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Q31: Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? Use v.2

Q31: Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? Use v. 2
As the saying goes ' ' If you do not like where you are, move. You are not a tree. ' ' People in my community constantly complain about the hard conditions of their lives, however, they are too conservative to jeopardize their works' position and migrate to another place. Although moving to a new country or even a new city will challenge different aspects of one' s life, it provides many opportunities which a person may not have if he/she stays in his/her hometown. I feel this because of two reasons: on the one hand by moving to a new and more developed country you have this opportunity to pursue your education in well-known and high ranked universities, on the other hand, you can be familiar with new people and new culture. To begin with, most of diligent and hard-working students want to continue their education in graduated or post graduated level in a high rank university, and most of these universities are located in modern and developed countries such as United States, England and so on. Therefore students like me who live in Middle East countries try to fulfill our dream by applying to a well-reputed university in another country. To reach our goal we have to overcome some obstacles such as learning a new language, taking some exams such as GRE, TOEFL, SAT and more importantly try to get visa which is a complicated process. Hence, just very determined and resolute students are able to obtain their goals. By way of example, one of my friend applied for PhD in U. S five years ago and he got student' s visa and moved to America, additionally, he learnt English At there more efficiently, and then he moved to Spain, because he studies in a high-ranked university in U. S and knew English like a native speaker he could find a very appropriate job related to his major in Madrid. He could not have his current position, if he had not moved to America. Secondly, by migrating to a new community one has this opportunity to broaden his/her horizon and learn new things. As I asserted in the aforementioned paragraph, one requirement of moving to a new country is learning its language and culture and language are indispensable parts, in other words you cannot learn a language entirely if you do not have enough knowledge about its culture. Thus, new community equals knowing new language, new culture, new conventions and traditions and so on. It seems so exciting to learn through experience, books can teach us many things about other cultures, they can not give us good feelings which we gain by communicating with new people though. I remember last month I made my mind to take a trip to Russia so I started searching the most important places where tourists have to visit during their trip to this ancient country. I saw many pictures from Kremlin palaces and gained required information nevertheless, when I entered these palaces personally I felt the spirit of history at there that no book or any other printed sources could give you this feeling. In conclusion, people just live once, so, they have to try to see new places in order to know new people and learn from them furthermore, they can continue their education in a well-developed country.
As the saying goes ' ' If you do not like where you are,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. You are not a tree. ' '
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in my community
constantly
complain about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
conditions of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
however
, they are too conservative to jeopardize their
Possible spelling mistake found.
works&
#039; position and migrate to another place. Although moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city will challenge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s life, it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities which a person may not have if he/she stays in his/her hometown. I feel this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons: on the one hand by moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
you have this opportunity to pursue your education in well-known and high ranked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, you can be familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of diligent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to continue their education in graduated or post graduated level in a high rank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, and most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are located
in modern and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the United States".
as United States
, England and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like me who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Middle East
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
try to fulfill our dream by applying to a well-reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To reach our goal we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles such as learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exams such as GRE, TOEFL, SAT and more
importantly
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
visa which is a complicated process.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
determined and resolute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to obtain their goals. By way of example, one of my friend applied for PhD in U. S five years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ago and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s visa and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to America,
additionally
, he
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
English At there more
efficiently
, and then he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to Spain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he studies in a high-ranked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in U. S and knew English like a native speaker he could find a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
appropriate job related to his major in Madrid. He could not have his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
position, if he had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to America.

Secondly
, by migrating to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
community one has this opportunity to broaden his/her horizon and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. As I asserted in the aforementioned paragraph, one requirement of moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is learning its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are indispensable parts, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words you cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
entirely
if you do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
community equals knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
conventions and traditions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exciting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
through experience, books can teach us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, they can not give us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feelings which we gain by communicating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
though. I remember last month I made my mind to take a trip to Russia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
searching the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
places where tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visit during their trip to this ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pictures from Kremlin palaces and gained required information
nevertheless
, when I entered these palaces
personally
I felt the spirit of history at there that no book or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
printed sources could give you this feeling.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
once,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places in order to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from them
furthermore
, they can continue their education in a well-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Q31: Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? Use v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
557 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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