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Some people spend a lot of money for their wedding ceremonies. However, others feel like it is unnecessary to spend a lot. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people spend a lot of money for their wedding ceremonies. However, others feel like it is unnecessary to spend a lot. v. 1
Some people prefer to have a lavish wedding and they do not mind spending a lot of money on it. Others opine that such celebrations are a waste of money. I agree with this view. In my opinion, one can save this money and utilise it for better purposes. An elaborate / expensive wedding has many benefits. For example, it creates memories that the couple can remember for their life. It is also an opportunity for young people to celebrate their happiness with their friends and family. Consequently, many people spend too much money on this occasion to make it memorable and to show off their wealth and status. Moreover, such occasions give family members and friends an opportunity to get together. On the flip side, a big wedding can also waste a lot more money. Couples can achieve better things in their life with this money. For example, they can invest it for their children’s education. There are some people who take loans to celebrate their marriage lavishly. They have to grapple with the debt for years to come and that will take away all the joy in their life. Another disadvantage of lavish weddings is that they spur competition. When someone holds an extravagant wedding celebration for themselves or their children, their friends and neighbours will feel compelled to do so. This mentality will eventually lead to a lot of problems in the society. To conclude, although many people believe that spending a lot of money for marriages would bring happiness and contentment, I personally think that such occasions are a waste of money. Saving this money for use in the future is a much better idea. Do you have an essay on this topic? Submit it below in the comments for a free band score estimate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a lavish
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wedding and
they do not mind spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on it. Others opine that such celebrations are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion, one can save this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it for better purposes.

An elaborate / expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
For example
, it creates memories that the couple can remember for their life. It is
also
an opportunity for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to celebrate their happiness with their friends and family.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on this occasion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it memorable and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their wealth and status.
Moreover
, such occasions give family members and friends an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together.

On the flip side, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
can
also
waste a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Couples can achieve better things in their life with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, they can invest it for their children’s education. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take loans to celebrate their marriage
lavishly
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
grapple with the debt for years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and that will take away all the joy in their life.

Another disadvantage of lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
is that they spur competition. When someone holds an extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
celebration for themselves or their children, their friends and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
will feel compelled to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This mentality will
eventually
lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of problems in the society.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for marriages would bring happiness and contentment, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such occasions are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Saving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the future is a much better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Do you have an essay on this topic? Submit it below in the comments for a free band score estimate.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people spend a lot of money for their wedding ceremonies. However, others feel like it is unnecessary to spend a lot. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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