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Some people says that a person success is a result of the way he has been brought by his parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people says that a person success is a result of the way he has been brought by his parents. v. 1
Parents play a crucial role in the upbringing of a child and in most cases it is said that the success of a person depends on how one has been brought up. I partially agree with this statement, though I believe that there are other factors also which could influence the overall personality of a person. First and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that parents are the first teachers who influence their children to a great extent. Parents pass down the knowledge of their own such as professional ethics as well as moral values which lies as the basic foundation for their child's development. To exemplify, a famous Indian business tycoon Mukesh Ambani took over his family business after his father, expanding it to become one of the top telecommunication industry. Furthermore, strong support along with adequate guidance from parents, anyone could attain fame, wealth and social status. On the other hand, they are several other factors that could alter people's journey regardless of how they are brought up. For instance, the founder of Microsoft company Bill Gates, who hails from an underprivileged family, has become a successful icon in the world through his hard work, determination, and perseverance. Moreover, a person gradually learns life-lessons from the community that could help him discover things that are essential to become a successful individual in both personal and professional environments. To recapitulate, although efficient nurturing is admittedly vital to the children's development, but it is not the only one that determines the success. Thus, not only the upbringing takes people to great heights, but also the experiences gained in life by the social-interactions.
Parents
play a crucial role in the upbringing of a child and
in most cases
it
is said
that the success of a person depends on how one has
been brought
up. I
partially
agree
with this statement, though I believe that there are other factors
also
which could influence the
overall
personality of a person.

First
and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that
parents
are the
first
teachers who influence their children to a great extent.
Parents
pass down the knowledge of their
own
such as professional ethics
as well
as moral values which lies as the basic foundation for their child's development. To exemplify, a
famous
Indian business tycoon Mukesh
Ambani
took over his family business after his father, expanding it to become one of the top telecommunication industry.
Furthermore
, strong support along with adequate guidance from
parents
, anyone could attain fame, wealth and social status.

On the other hand
, they are several other factors that could alter
people
's journey regardless of how they
are brought
up.
For instance
, the founder of Microsoft
company
Bill Gates, who hails from an underprivileged family, has become a successful icon in the world through his
hard
work, determination, and perseverance.
Moreover
, a person
gradually
learns life-lessons from the community that could
help
him discover things that are essential to become a successful individual in both personal and professional environments.

To recapitulate, although efficient nurturing is
admittedly
vital to the children's development,
but
it is not the
only
one that determines the success.
Thus
, not
only
the upbringing takes
people
to great heights,
but
also
the experiences gained in life by the social-interactions.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people says that a person success is a result of the way he has been brought by his parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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