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Some people says that a person success is a result of the way he has been brought by his parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people says that a person success is a result of the way he has been brought by his parents. v. 2
In recent years, extreme sports have become increasingly popular, and some people argue that governments should prohibit them. I completely disagree with the idea that these sports are too dangerous, and I therefore believe that they should not be banned. In my opinion, SO-CALLED EXTREME SPORTS are not as dangerous as many people think. All sports INVOLVE SOME ELEMENTS OF RISK, and there should always be clear regulations and SAFETY PROCEDURES to reduce THE POSSIBILITY OF ACCIDENTS. People who take part in extreme sports are usually required to UNDERGO APPROPRIATE TRAINING so that the dangers are minimised. For example, anyone who wants to try skydiving will need to sign up for lessons with a registered club, and beginners are not allowed to dive solo; they must BE ACCOMPANIED BY AN EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONAL. Finally, the protective equipment and technology used in sports from motor racing to mountain climbing is constantly improving safety. While I support regulations and safety measures, I believe that it would be wrong, and almost impossible, to ban extreme sports. In the first place, we should all be free to decide how we spend our leisure time; as long as we understand the risks, I do not believe that politicians should stop us from enjoying ourselves. However, an even stronger argument against such a ban would be the difficulty of enforcing it. Many of the most RISKY SPORTS, like base jumping or big wave surfing, are practised FAR AWAY FROM THE REACH OF ANY AUTHORITIES. I cannot imagine the police being called to stop people from PARACHUTING OFF A MOUNTAIN FACE OR SURFING ON AN ISOLATED BEACH. In conclusion, I would argue that people should be free to enjoy extreme sports as long as they understand the risks and take THE APPROPRIATE PRECAUTIONS.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have become
increasingly
popular, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should prohibit them. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, and I
therefore
believe that they should not
be banned
.

In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
-CALLED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EXTREME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
are not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
INVOLVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
ELEMENTS OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
RISK
, and there should always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
regulations and SAFETY PROCEDURES to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
THE POSSIBILITY OF ACCIDENTS.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
usually
required to UNDERGO APPROPRIATE TRAINING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.
For example
, anyone who wants to try skydiving will need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for lessons with a registered club, and beginners are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to dive solo; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
BE ACCOMPANIED
BY AN EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONAL.
Finally
, the protective equipment and technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from motor racing to mountain climbing is
constantly
improving safety.

While I support regulations and safety measures, I believe that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and almost impossible, to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In the
first
place, we should all be free to decide how we spend our leisure time; as long as we understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, I do not believe that politicians should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
us from enjoying ourselves.
However
, an even stronger argument against such a ban would be the difficulty of enforcing it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the most RISKY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
, like base jumping or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
wave surfing, are
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
FAR AWAY FROM THE REACH OF ANY AUTHORITIES. I cannot imagine the police
being called
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from PARACHUTING OFF A MOUNTAIN FACE OR SURFING ON AN ISOLATED BEACH.

In conclusion
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be free to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as long as they understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and take THE APPROPRIATE PRECAUTIONS.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people says that a person success is a result of the way he has been brought by his parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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