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Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society? v.1

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society? v. 1
It is true that cell phones have brought people closer any ever before by allowing them to answer their personal and professional calls at any time during the day. Although this trend may disturb people's lives, I believe that it can help businesses thrive and benefit the economy as a whole. The main drawback of the trend is that individuals might find it overwhelmingly irritated when their activities can be disrupted at any time. During the daytime, given the hectic schedules that modern-day working people are invariably tied to today, that they may be called for a long talk of insignificance, from telesales, for example, may fuel their irritation when they are constantly pressed for time to finish their work. For many people, this means that they have to bring their work home to meet the deadlines, and certainly this leaves less time for them to unwind and enjoy quality time with their significant other. Furthermore, a late phone call at night may disrupt one’s sleep and exhaust him the next day. Were this to happen repeatedly, both his physical and mental health would gradually be in deterioration. I am, however, of the opinion that manufacturers would flourish when their employees answer their phone calls 24/7, contributing to the economic development of society. It is true that in this fiercely competitive market, many factories have to run both day and night shifts to ensure timely delivery, a crucial factor that any need to factor in to maintain their competitiveness. It is possible that many issues may not be fully covered during the shift transition, meaning that a quick check with the people in charge of the other shift would effectively solve the unexpected problem. A line leader, for example, may forget to inform his counterpart where he put the defected products that are to be mended, and in this case, his co-worker will find them effortlessly if he answers the call. Such minor issues, if not resolved instantaneously, may impact the output, and more seriously delay the delivery. In summary, that people can be contacted via phone at any time may bother them at times; however, I genuinely believe that this is acceptable as it can make a significant contribution to businesses in the market full of competition today.
It is true that cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer any ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
by allowing them to answer their personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during the day. Although this trend may disturb
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I believe that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
businesses thrive and benefit the economy as a whole.

The main drawback of the trend is that individuals might find it
overwhelmingly
irritated when their activities can
be disrupted
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. During the daytime,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the hectic schedules that modern-day working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
invariably
tied to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, that they may
be called
for a long talk of insignificance, from telesales,
for example
, may fuel their irritation when they are
constantly
pressed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish their work. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bring their work home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadlines, and
certainly
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to unwind and enjoy quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their significant other.
Furthermore
, a late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
at night may disrupt one’s sleep and exhaust him the
next
day. Were this to happen
repeatedly
, both his physical and mental health would
gradually
be in deterioration.

I am,
however
, of the opinion that manufacturers would flourish when their employees answer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
24/7, contributing to the economic development of society. It is true that in this
fiercely
competitive market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run both day and night shifts to ensure timely delivery, a crucial factor that any need to factor in to maintain their competitiveness. It is possible that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues may not be
fully
covered during the shift transition, meaning that a quick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in charge of the other shift would
effectively
solve the unexpected problem. A line leader,
for example
, may forget to inform his counterpart where he put the defected products that are to
be mended
, and
in this case
, his co-worker will find them
effortlessly
if he answers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
. Such minor issues, if not resolved
instantaneously
, may impact the output, and more
seriously
delay the delivery.

In summary, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be contacted
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may bother them at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
;
however
, I
genuinely
believe that this is acceptable as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to businesses in the market full of competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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