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many people think living in the vertical city is better than horizon city. what is your opinion v.1

many people think living in the vertical city is better than horizon city. what is your opinion v. 1
Some people believe that it is convenient to live in residential skysrcapers while others think low-rise city is a better place to settle down. Both of place may have its own benefit. Personally, I think high-rise building could bring more advantages in various aspects of life. Firstly, living in vertical city is convenient to inhabitant because it provides multiple service utility. Many restaurants, shopping malls, schools, . . are established in the area which help residential entertain without travelling far from home. For example, instead of waking up early, parents can have their own time since they easily take their children to school located nearly the building. Secondly, a city with skyscrapers can have more space and land for public use It is characterised by high rise buildings can accommodate a large population on a small part of the land. Therefore government would be able to use this land to construct road, park, supermarket, … to enhance inhabitant’s life. People have more places to find new friends as well as do exercise. For instance, the road could be widened to avoid traffic jams, reduce air pollution. Lastly, safety in the apartment building is strictly guaranteed. Thanks to dozens of officers and security guards who hired to watch building carefully all day, dweller can avoid unwanted situation such as thieves. A lots cameras were installed in the skyscraper to rigorous control people in and out. For example, nowadays, almost a vertical city use elevator card which just allow inhabitant or officers move by lift. In conclusion, horizon city may bring a lot of advantages but I reckon vertical city is more suitable for me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in residential
Possible spelling mistake found.
skysrcapers
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
low-rise city is a better place to settle down. Both of place may have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
could bring more advantages in various aspects of life.

Firstly
, living in vertical city is convenient to inhabitant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides multiple service utility.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
restaurants, shopping malls,
You should probably use "school".
schools
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
are
established in the area which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
residential entertain without travelling far from home.
For example
,
instead
of waking up early, parents can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time since they
easily
take their children to school located
nearly
the building.

Secondly
, a city with skyscrapers can have more space and land for public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
It is
Possible spelling mistake. 'characterised' is British English.
characterised
by high rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can accommodate a large population on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of the land.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this land to construct road, park, supermarket, … to enhance inhabitant’s life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have more places to find new friends
as well
as do exercise.
For instance
, the road could
be widened
to avoid traffic jams,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
air pollution.

Lastly
, safety in the apartment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is
strictly
guaranteed. Thanks to dozens of officers and security guards who hired to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
carefully
all day, dweller can avoid unwanted situation such as thieves.
If you mean a great quantity, use "A lots of cameras"?
A lots cameras
were installed
in the skyscraper to rigorous control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in and out.
For example
, nowadays, almost a vertical city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
elevator card which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
inhabitant or officers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
by lift.

In conclusion
, horizon city may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I reckon vertical city is more suitable for me.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay many people think living in the vertical city is better than horizon city. what is your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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