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many people think living in the vertical city is better than horizon city. what is your opinion v.1

many people think living in the vertical city is better than horizon city. what is your opinion v. 1
Some people believe that it is convenient to live in residential skysrcapers while others think low-rise city is a better place to settle down. Both of place may have its own benefit. Personally, I think high-rise building could bring more advantages in various aspects of life. Firstly, living in vertical city is convenient to inhabitant because it provides multiple service utility. Many restaurants, shopping malls, schools, . . are established in the area which help residential entertain without travelling far from home. For example, instead of waking up early, parents can have their own time since they easily take their children to school located nearly the building. Secondly, a city with skyscrapers can have more space and land for public use It is characterised by high rise buildings can accommodate a large population on a small part of the land. Therefore government would be able to use this land to construct road, park, supermarket, … to enhance inhabitant’s life. People have more places to find new friends as well as do exercise. For instance, the road could be widened to avoid traffic jams, reduce air pollution. Lastly, safety in the apartment building is strictly guaranteed. Thanks to dozens of officers and security guards who hired to watch building carefully all day, dweller can avoid unwanted situation such as thieves. A lots cameras were installed in the skyscraper to rigorous control people in and out. For example, nowadays, almost a vertical city use elevator card which just allow inhabitant or officers move by lift. In conclusion, horizon city may bring a lot of advantages but I reckon vertical city is more suitable for me.
Some
people
believe that it is convenient to
live
in residential
skysrcapers
while others
think
low-rise city is a better place to settle down. Both of place may have its
own
benefit.
Personally
, I
think
high-rise
building
could bring more advantages in various aspects of life.

Firstly
, living in vertical city is convenient to inhabitant
because
it provides multiple service utility.
Many
restaurants, shopping malls,
schools
, .
.
are
established in the area which
help
residential entertain without travelling far from home.
For example
,
instead
of waking up early, parents can have their
own
time since they
easily
take their children to school located
nearly
the building.

Secondly
, a city with skyscrapers can have more space and land for public
use
It is
characterised
by high rise
buildings
can accommodate a large population on a
small
part of the land.
Therefore
government
would be able to
use
this land to construct road, park, supermarket, … to enhance inhabitant’s life.
People
have more places to find new friends
as well
as do exercise.
For instance
, the road could
be widened
to avoid traffic jams,
reduce
air pollution.

Lastly
, safety in the apartment
building
is
strictly
guaranteed. Thanks to dozens of officers and security guards who hired to
watch
building
carefully
all day, dweller can avoid unwanted situation such as thieves.
A lots cameras
were installed
in the skyscraper to rigorous control
people
in and out.
For example
, nowadays, almost a vertical city
use
elevator card which
just
allow
inhabitant or officers
move
by lift.

In conclusion
, horizon city may bring
a lot of
advantages
but
I reckon vertical city is more suitable for me.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay many people think living in the vertical city is better than horizon city. what is your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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