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Some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents. v. 1
Parents have a huge impact on the personality of their children, and consequently, their success. They way a child is brought up can have lasting effects on how the child functions as an adult. Hence, in my opinion, the way children are brought up by their parents have an influence on their success. Over the years, it's been widely argued that the personalities of parents really have an effect on children, not only because of genetic traits but everday habits. Children are like sponges, they absorb everything around them and hence learn those behaviours. For example, if a girl has a working mother, chances are that she will one day want to work and be determined to succeed at the work place. Similarly, if father's help around the house, young boys learn that trait as well and are more responsive to household responsibilities. Moreover, it is the habits learnt in childhood that shape adults. Parents who teach their children integrity and respect, have children who grow up to be humble and honest. Whilst those parents who do not impart any discipline on their children end up raising disrespectful adults. These traits are essential for success at life, in the work place as well as in relationships. If adults are not sincere, hard working and honest, it is unlikely they will see any form of success in their lives. Hence, to conclude, it is the way children are brought up that determines their success in most situations, ultimately, success depends on individual efforts as well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have a huge impact on the personality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
consequently
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. They way a child
is brought
up can have lasting effects on how the child functions as an adult.
Hence
, in my opinion, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are brought
up by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an influence on their success.

Over the years, it's been
widely
argued that the personalities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
really
have an effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of genetic traits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
everday
habits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are like sponges, they absorb everything around them and
hence
learn those
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
For example
, if a girl has a working mother, chances are that she will one day want to work and
be determined
to succeed at the work place.
Similarly
, if father's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, young boys learn that trait
as well
and are more responsive to household responsibilities.

Moreover
, it is the habits
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in childhood that shape adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
integrity and respect, have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who grow up to be humble and honest. Whilst those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who do not impart any discipline on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up raising disrespectful adults.

These traits are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
at life, in the work place
as well
as in relationships. If adults are not sincere,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and honest, it is unlikely they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Hence
,
to conclude
, it is the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are brought
up that determines their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in most situations,
ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
depends on individual efforts
as well
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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