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Some people say to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy? v.1

Some people say to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy? v. 1
Work is an indispensable part of our everyday lives and the question of being contented at work has been discussed for years through history. While some might argue that the possibility to do what we love is the only way to achieve this state of mind, I do believe that a variety of other equally vital factors all contribute to this desirable aim. In my opinion, I can understand why happiness at work is directly linked to being able to do a job that you love doing. In the workplace, people are always expected to work under intense pressure and carry out numerous tasks and assignments. If an employee doesn’t love what he or she is doing, it seems impossible for them to continue their work at a high level of productivity. For example, working with children is always a challenging job, especially as they misbehave or try to push boundaries. Without interests and patience, a teacher would not have enough motivation to do their occupation on a daily basis. However, I must argue that contentedness in the workplace could also be achieved a range of other factors including finance and self-development. Firstly, if a worker couldn’t earn enough to meet his fundamental needs such as paying bills, food or putting his kids to school, it is absolutely absurd to continue his enjoyable low-paid job, especially in a time of economic crisis. My sister, for instance, who used to work as a nurse at a local hospital, decided to surrender her dream work due to low level of monthly income. Secondly, having opportunities to progress and gradually fulfill essential skills like time management or collaboration will ensure the promotion in career as well as safeguard people from redundancy, thus guarantee happiness in the long term. In conclusion, it appears that doing a job that you desire is not the only means of feeling contented at work as we consider other elements of wages and self-improvement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is an indispensable part of our everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the question of
being contented
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has
been discussed
for years through history. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might argue that the possibility to do what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to achieve this state of mind, I do believe that a variety of other
equally
vital factors all contribute to this desirable aim.

In my opinion, I can understand why happiness at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
directly
linked to being able to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
doing. In the workplace,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under intense pressure and carry out numerous tasks and assignments. If an employee doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what he or she is doing, it seems impossible for them to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at a high level of productivity.
For example
, working with children is always a challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
especially
as they misbehave or try to push boundaries. Without interests and patience, a teacher would not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
motivation to do their occupation on a daily basis.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
argue that contentedness in the workplace could
also
be achieved
a range of other factors including finance and self-development.
Firstly
, if a worker couldn’t earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
his fundamental needs such as paying bills, food or putting his kids to school, it is
absolutely
absurd to continue his enjoyable low-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
especially
in a time of economic crisis. My sister,
for instance
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a nurse at a local hospital, decided to surrender her dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to low level of monthly income.
Secondly
, having opportunities to progress and
gradually
fulfill essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like time management or collaboration will ensure the promotion in career
as well
as safeguard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from redundancy,
thus
guarantee happiness in the long term.

In conclusion
, it appears that doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you desire is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
means of feeling contented at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as we consider other elements of wages and self-improvement.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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