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People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 2
Advertisement is dominant in people’s daily lives nowadays, with the high frequency of people having to see the same products or services over and over again. Some people think that this phenomenon is negative because it distorts people’s perspective on life. I completely agree with this statement. Admittedly, advertisements have certain benefits to modern lives. First of all, the purpose of a piece of advertisement is to deliver key information of a product to the public. This would assist a person in choosing a product, saving both time researching for the right product and potentially, money from overspending. Secondly, the advertising industry is getting more creative than ever, incorporating many current social issues in ads. Some people even consider advertisement nowadays as a form of entertainment, especially with commercials in forms of short movies or music videos. However, I believe that the ubiquity of advertisement is distorting people’s perception on what is important in life. Seeing too many pieces of advertisement is thought by many experts to be the cause of excessive consumerism. People are encouraged by these ads to buy and own more stuff than needed. One consequence of this indulgence in buying new things is that people are buying more, they are also throwing out more stuff than ever, causing a burden on the environment. Another consequence of this phenomenon is that it makes younger generations become more superficial and only care about owning whatever’s considered popular. In conclusion, although advertisement can introduce many benefits to its audience, I still think that the oversaturation of advertisement can bring negative impacts on individuals and society as a whole.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
is dominant in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
nowadays, with the high frequency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or services over and over again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this phenomenon is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it distorts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perspective on life. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have certain benefits to modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the purpose of a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is to deliver key information of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the public. This would assist a person in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, saving both time researching for the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
potentially
, money from overspending.
Secondly
, the advertising industry is getting more creative than ever, incorporating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
social issues in ads.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
nowadays as a form of entertainment,
especially
with commercials in forms of short movies or music videos.

However
, I believe that the ubiquity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is distorting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perception on what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life. Seeing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts to be the cause of excessive consumerism.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are encouraged
by these ads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more stuff than needed. One consequence of this indulgence in buying new things is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying more, they are
also
throwing out more stuff than ever, causing a burden on the environment. Another consequence of this phenomenon is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
younger generations become more superficial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about owning whatever’s considered popular.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to its audience, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oversaturation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on individuals and society as a whole.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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