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Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important? Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. v.1

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important? Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy? v. 1
Some people believe as a human being, having a satisfactory job can bring a happiness to them in life because they can earn money from it. However, other factors are essential that play a role either. I think, people cannot only feel delighted just because having an enjoyable careers. In spite of this, mental health and living in a good condition are such a bless that could make people satisfy in their life. Very few people want to live to work because it is the only thing that they can earn a money from. In addition, people determine to work hard and extra shifted in order to get an extra incomes. This profits could provide them to purchase an expensive meterials and stuffs such as houses, cars and food supplies. Consequently, people could satisfy to live a life because they can afford to have a things what they wish for. On the other hand, mental health and healthy condition are vital in human's lives. These factors are the medicine that money could not buy people's happiness. People wish to have a healthy life without too much pressure and any serious diseases to live longer. For instance, if we live with cancer so how can surrounding people feel happy. This is the reason that people feel bless of having a good health. In addition, living in a good condition that has stunning and natural landscapes also make people feel peaceful. There is no air pollution that can affect to health problem. Consequently, having a healthy land to plant a fruits and vegetables that are natural resources and adapt life to live peacefully. These are the mainly factors that peole survive to achieve the real peace of mind and enjoy well-being. To sum up, having a fantastic job in hand is not the only happy pill that many people wish for, but they could earn money in order to purchase their satisfactory products so that they feel happy with it. Otherwise, living in a good environment and have a healthy life are very important in human being. Therfore, people feel cheerful, optimistic and blessful because they could afford both money and other essential factors in life.
Some
people
believe as a human being,
having
a satisfactory job can bring a happiness to them in
life
because
they can earn
money
from it.
However
, other
factors
are essential that play a role either. I
think
,
people
cannot
only
feel
delighted
just
because
having
an enjoyable
careers
.
In spite of
this, mental
health
and living in a
good
condition are such
a bless
that could
make
people
satisfy in their life.

Very
few
people
want to
live
to work
because
it is the
only
thing that they can earn a
money
from.
In addition
,
people
determine to work
hard
and extra shifted in order to
get
an extra
incomes
.
This
profits could provide them to
purchase
an expensive
meterials
and stuffs such as
houses
, cars and food supplies.
Consequently
,
people
could satisfy to
live
a
life
because
they can afford to have
a things
what they wish for.

On the other hand
, mental
health
and
healthy
condition are vital in human's
lives
. These
factors
are the medicine that
money
could not
buy
people
's happiness.
People
wish to have a
healthy
life
without too much pressure and any serious diseases to
live
longer.
For instance
, if we
live
with cancer
so
how can surrounding
people
feel
happy. This is the reason that
people
feel
bless of
having
a
good
health
.
In addition
, living in a
good
condition that has stunning and natural landscapes
also
make
people
feel
peaceful. There is no air pollution that can affect to
health
problem.
Consequently
,
having
a
healthy
land to plant a fruits and vegetables that are natural resources and adapt
life
to
live
peacefully
. These are the
mainly
factors
that
peole
survive to achieve the real peace of mind and enjoy well-being.

To sum up,
having
a fantastic job in hand is not the
only
happy pill that
many
people
wish for,
but
they could earn
money
in order to
purchase
their satisfactory products
so
that they
feel
happy with it.
Otherwise
, living in a
good
environment and have a
healthy
life
are
very
important
in human being.
Therfore
,
people
feel
cheerful, optimistic and
blessful
because
they could afford both
money
and other essential
factors
in
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important? Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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