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Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Do you agree or disagree? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.3

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 3
It is argued that artists are more paramount as compared to researchers. It is disagreed that scientists are less important than entertainers because inventions play a vital role for the prosperity of a nation. This essay will discuss firstly, the importance of innovations to live a convenient life and secondly, the sacrifice inventors make for the society; followed by a reasoned conclusion. In this day and age, with the advent of modern technology, everything is available at the touch of a button. The main credit for all the achievements goes to the experimentalists as it is possible to live a better and fulfilling life solely because of their hard work and determination. For example, the invention of cell phones and the Internet is deemed as the most significant because it helps people around the globe to come closer to each other. Although performers and sportsmen play a pivotal role in the industry of entertainment, their contribution towards the society is incomparable to the scientists. Another point to consider is that, researchers spend their whole life experimenting and finding something valuable for the people without thinking about their personal life. They devote most of the time towards their work rather than with their family and friends. A recent survey by the Times Magazine exhibits that most of the scientists agreed that they had to compromise with their leisure time because they always have pressure to finish their work. Despite alienation from loved ones, their dedication to work is commendable. In conclusion, actors and musicians are going a great job in the field of amusement, but putting them above the inventors is absurd. It is recommended that the research done by the scientists should be honoured and awarded by the Government.
It
is argued
that artists are more paramount as compared to researchers. It
is disagreed
that scientists are less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
inventions play a vital role for the prosperity of a nation. This essay will discuss
firstly
, the importance of innovations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
secondly
, the sacrifice inventors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for the society; followed by a reasoned conclusion.

In this day and age, with the advent of modern technology, everything is available at the touch of a button. The main credit for all the achievements goes to the experimentalists as it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better and fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and determination.
For example
, the invention of cell phones and the Internet
is deemed
as the most significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the globe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer to each other. Although performers and sportsmen play a pivotal role in the industry of entertainment, their contribution towards the society is incomparable to the scientists.

Another point to consider is that, researchers spend their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experimenting and finding something valuable for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without thinking about their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They devote most of the time towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than with their family and friends. A recent survey by the Times Magazine exhibits that most of the scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that they had to compromise with their leisure time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always have pressure to finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Despite alienation from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, their dedication to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is commendable.

In conclusion
, actors and musicians are going a great job in the field of amusement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
putting them above the inventors is absurd. It
is recommended
that the research done by the scientists should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
and awarded by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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