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Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.1

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 1
Some argue that money is the primary factor behind happiness in life. It is believed because people can enjoy a luxurious lifestyle with any financial stress when they have abundant money. One of the other key factors that make people happy is their social circle of friends and family. The primary reason why people consider money as the driving force for happiness is because substantial wealth brings comfort and luxury in their life. That is to say, if their financial condition is stable, they do not suffer economic stress, and as a result, they become increasingly happier. With their considerable bank balance, they can purchase expensive things without losing confidence. For example, I research published in the Psychology Today stated that people who have a steady and more than average income tends to suffer less depression and are observed to be happier than those who have low salaries. Besides money, another major factor of a happy life is the person’s social circle. Having good friends and supportive family members helps us enjoying life in a more cherish way, such as, by dining together, travelling, and similar activities, where we spend time together, these moments bring enormous joy in our lives. It is has been scientifically established that those spend more time with their contacts enjoy a joyful life than those with a limited circle. For instance, a survey conducted by the University of Oxford illustrated that 70% of people who reported having a happy life also stated that they spend their past time with their friends and families. In conclusion, some people opine that money is the most important source of happiness in our life because with it we can enjoy a lavish life, while money is one factor, other things that are more important for our happiness is the social circle of friends and family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
is believed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy a luxurious lifestyle with any financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when they have abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. One of the other key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy is their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circle
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family.

The primary reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as the driving force for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
substantial wealth brings comfort and luxury in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
That is
to say, if their financial condition is stable, they do not suffer economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and
as a result
, they become
increasingly
happier. With their considerable bank balance, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
expensive things without losing confidence.
For example
, I research published in the Psychology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a steady and more than average income tends to suffer less depression and
are observed
to be happier than those who have low salaries.

Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
of a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the person’s social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circle
. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and supportive family members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
The verb 'supportive' is used with an infinitive: "to enjoy" or "enjoy".
enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a more cherish way, such as, by dining together, travelling, and similar activities, where we spend time together, these moments bring enormous joy in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is has been
scientifically
established that those spend more time with their contacts enjoy a joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than those with a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circle
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the University of Oxford illustrated that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who reported having a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
stated that they spend their
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and families.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we can enjoy a lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
, other things that are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circle
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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