Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.1

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 1
It is argued that possessing a huge amount of money is the best way to achieve happiness in life. Undeniably, money can fulfil the materialistic needs of an individual who seeks elation from such accomplishments. However, money is not the only key to happiness. There are other ways as well and simple everyday things like enjoying a hot coffee on a cold morning or sharing the dinner table with loved ones can also make us happy and delighted. Helping people in need such as homeless children and destitute sections of the society is another way to find happiness in life. First and foremost, people who are financially sound could easily fulfil the materialistic needs and desires of their life which in return gives them a sense of satisfaction. Compared to middle class people, the affluent sections of the society can easily satisfy their materialistic needs and wants like buying high end cars, travelling to exotic locations or wearing expensive brands. Furthermore, the rich people have the luxury of getting the best health-care treatments which is not exactly available to the common man. On the flip side, apart from materialistic wants, an individual can seek happiness from various other things. One of them is sharing the dining table with family after a tiring day at office. Certainly, eating with the loved ones automatically eliminates stress and worries. Secondly, rendering help to poor and needy could also give some sense of achievement. For example, financial aid to people who seek medical help probably is the best way to embrace elation. To conclude, admittedly, it is quite evident from the aforementioned instances that money buys you all the materialistic comforts in the world. Nevertheless, spending time with close ones and helping the impoverished could also bring delight. Do you have an essay on this topic? Submit it below in the comments for a free band score estimate.
It
is argued
that possessing a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best way to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life.
Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can fulfil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of an individual who seeks elation from such accomplishments.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are other ways
as well
and simple everyday things like enjoying a hot coffee on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
morning or sharing the dinner table with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us happy and delighted. Helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
such as homeless children and destitute sections of the society is another way to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
financially
sound could
easily
fulfil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and desires of their life which in return gives them a sense of satisfaction. Compared to middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the affluent sections of the society can
easily
satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and wants like buying high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
cars, travelling to exotic locations or wearing expensive brands.
Furthermore
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the luxury of getting the best health-care treatments which is not exactly available to the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

On the flip side, apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
wants, an individual can seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from various other things. One of them is sharing the dining table with family after a tiring day at office.
Certainly
, eating with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
automatically
eliminates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and worries.
Secondly
, rendering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to poor and needy could
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sense of achievement.
For example
, financial aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who seek medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
probably
is the best way to embrace elation.

To conclude
,
admittedly
, it is quite evident from the aforementioned instances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
you all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materialistic
comforts in the world.
Nevertheless
, spending time with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and helping the impoverished could
also
bring delight.

Do you have an essay on this topic? Submit it below in the comments for a free band score estimate.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts