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Some people say the Olympics Games are not relevant in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say the Olympics Games are not relevant in the 21st century. v. 1
Despite some people say the Olympics Game are not relevant in the 21st century, it is still the most important event of this century because of it has the prolonged history and many experts respect the brand, also it has a good policy that has been accepted around the globe. Olympics Games has the prolonged history and it having held by many countries, hence, an event has been exists that long time ago and still being run nowadays must has spirit of international sport lovers in it. Furthermore, the symbols of the Olympic Games is not only about sports, but this also about the connection between the people around the world, this could be reflected via the logo consists of circles, as well as the light that appeared at the beginning of the event it is standing for the soul of an athlete that burned for the love of sports. In addition, many sport experts around the world saw this event very important because of it has a level of national, during the event a lot of national teams from many countries will gather and challenge each other with sports such as; soccer, swimming, running. If a team won the prize will not only bring the country an honour, but as well as a specialist that coached the team, bring their name to the upper class in a ranking table of a world class expert. Finally, the event has been adopted around the world for a very long time and it has a good policy that came to an acceptance of the countries, hence, this is quite difficult to replace the event for another event, because of such a new international event that has not been adapted is hard to maintain and operate, the cost may overweight a benefit of having the new event. In summary, even though the idea of a brand new international event is such a good idea because of it is encouraging innovation, this is still not worth the efforts to adapt such the new event and say that the Olympic Games is not suitable for the 21st century.
Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say the Olympics Game are not relevant in the 21st century, it is
still
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
of this century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it has the prolonged history and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts respect the brand,
also
it has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
policy that has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe.

Olympics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
has the prolonged history and
Did you mean "it's having", "it is having", or "it was having"?
it having
held by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
hence
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
has been exists that long time ago and
still
being run
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'must' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
spirit of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lovers in it.
Furthermore
, the symbols of the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
also
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, this could
be reflected
via the logo consists of circles,
as well
as the light that appeared at the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
it is standing for the soul of an athlete that burned for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of sports.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
experts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it has a level of national, during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
national teams from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will gather and challenge each other with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as; soccer, swimming, running. If a team won the prize will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
an
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as a specialist that coached the team, bring their name to the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in a ranking table of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
expert.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
has
been adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time and it has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
policy that came to an acceptance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
hence
, this is quite difficult to replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
that has not
been adapted
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain and operate, the cost may overweight a benefit of having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

In summary,
even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of a brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it is encouraging innovation, this is
still
not worth the efforts to adapt such the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and say that the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
is not suitable for the 21st century.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say the Olympics Games are not relevant in the 21st century. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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