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Some people say the Olympics Games are not relevant in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say the Olympics Games are not relevant in the 21st century. v. 1
Despite some people say the Olympics Game are not relevant in the 21st century, it is still the most important event of this century because of it has the prolonged history and many experts respect the brand, also it has a good policy that has been accepted around the globe. Olympics Games has the prolonged history and it having held by many countries, hence, an event has been exists that long time ago and still being run nowadays must has spirit of international sport lovers in it. Furthermore, the symbols of the Olympic Games is not only about sports, but this also about the connection between the people around the world, this could be reflected via the logo consists of circles, as well as the light that appeared at the beginning of the event it is standing for the soul of an athlete that burned for the love of sports. In addition, many sport experts around the world saw this event very important because of it has a level of national, during the event a lot of national teams from many countries will gather and challenge each other with sports such as; soccer, swimming, running. If a team won the prize will not only bring the country an honour, but as well as a specialist that coached the team, bring their name to the upper class in a ranking table of a world class expert. Finally, the event has been adopted around the world for a very long time and it has a good policy that came to an acceptance of the countries, hence, this is quite difficult to replace the event for another event, because of such a new international event that has not been adapted is hard to maintain and operate, the cost may overweight a benefit of having the new event. In summary, even though the idea of a brand new international event is such a good idea because of it is encouraging innovation, this is still not worth the efforts to adapt such the new event and say that the Olympic Games is not suitable for the 21st century.
Despite
some
people
say the Olympics Game are not relevant in the 21st century, it is
still
the most
important
event
of this century
because
of it has the prolonged history and
many
experts respect the brand,
also
it has a
good
policy that has been
accepted
around
the globe.

Olympics
Games
has the prolonged history and
it having
held by
many
countries
,
hence
, an
event
has been exists that long time ago and
still
being run
nowadays
must
has
spirit of international
sport
lovers in it.
Furthermore
, the symbols of the Olympic
Games
is not
only
about
sports
,
but
this
also
about the
connection between
the
people
around
the
world
, this could
be reflected
via the logo consists of circles,
as well
as the light that appeared at the beginning of the
event
it is standing for the soul of an athlete that burned for the
love
of sports.

In addition
,
many
sport
experts
around
the
world
saw
this
event
very
important
because
of it has a level of national, during the
event
a lot of
national teams from
many
countries
will gather and challenge each other with
sports
such as; soccer, swimming, running. If a team won the prize will not
only
bring the
country
an
honour
,
but
as well
as a specialist that coached the team, bring their name to the upper
class
in a ranking table of a
world
class
expert.

Finally
, the
event
has
been adopted
around
the
world
for a
very
long time and it has a
good
policy that came to an acceptance of the
countries
,
hence
, this is quite difficult to replace the
event
for another
event
,
because
of such a
new
international
event
that has not
been adapted
is
hard
to maintain and operate, the cost may overweight a benefit of having the
new
event
.

In summary,
even though
the
idea
of a brand
new
international
event
is such a
good
idea
because
of it is encouraging innovation, this is
still
not worth the efforts to adapt such the
new
event
and say that the Olympic
Games
is not suitable for the 21st century.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the Olympics Games are not relevant in the 21st century. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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