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Obesity is increasing in many developing countries affecting the children. What are some possible reasons for this and suggest possible solutions v.1

Obesity is increasing in many developing countries affecting the children. What are some possible reasons for this and suggest possible solutions v. 1
Westernization is bringing the culture of fast food in many developing countries, even though it is useful in modern lifestyle, most of the fast foods contain bad cholesterol, too much sugar, such as; fried chicken, fried potato, high-sugar candy and cake. However, a solution for this must be an innovation in cooking technology to provide a safer product, for instance; there are several kinds of new fast foods available; non-sugar candy, skimmed milk, fat-free food. Frying foods with oil is becoming a very popular cooking technique, although it is making the tasty ingredients with fat, it is causing many dangerous effects on people's health, such as these diseases; stroke, obesity, fatty liver. In addition, a possible solution to this could be a new invention that can make dishes less harmful to human, for example; Xylitol can be used as an ingredient to replace sugar in making candy, furthermore, there is a technology that allowed business to separated fat from milk and creating a new kind of milk that it contains little or no bad cholesterol. However, technology may not helpful if the new healthy product doesn't taste good to the customers, so the business will need to spend more efforts on innovation to have created the more attractive products, this can be a sugar-free strawberry candy, low-fat milk with extra calcium and fat-free chicken fried with oil-less frying machine. In summary, fast foods are relevant with modern lifestyle of many societies even though it has several side effects, the solutions above may help reduce the bad side of fast foods and made it become more popular.
Westernization is bringing the culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
even though
it is useful in modern lifestyle, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
cholesterol, too much sugar, such as; fried chicken, fried potato, high-sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candy
and cake.
However
, a solution for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be an innovation in cooking technology to provide a safer product,
for instance
; there are several kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
available; non-sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candy
, skimmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
-free food.

Frying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
with oil is becoming a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular cooking technique, although it is making the tasty ingredients with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, it is causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health, such as these diseases; stroke, obesity, fatty liver.
In addition
, a possible solution to this could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
invention that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
dishes less harmful to human,
for example
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Xylitol
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an ingredient to replace sugar in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candy
,
furthermore
, there is a technology that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
business to separated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
and creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
that it contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
cholesterol.
However
, technology may not helpful if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
healthy product doesn't taste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the business will need to spend more efforts on innovation to have created the more attractive products, this can be a sugar-free strawberry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candy
, low-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
with extra calcium and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
-free chicken fried with oil-less frying machine.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are relevant with modern lifestyle of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies
even though
it has several side effects, the solutions above may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and made it become more popular.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Obesity is increasing in many developing countries affecting the children. What are some possible reasons for this and suggest possible solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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