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Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What are the other things in life that can make people happy? v.1

Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What are the other things in life that can make people happy? v. 1
A section of the society has an opinion that money is the main key to happiness and happy life. Money is a requirement for livelihood. But it is not the only way to happiness. This essay discusses how money can make people happy and what are the other aspects that can make people happy in life. On one hand, Money plays a vital role in one's livelihood and in maintaining a standard of living. Earning money for Lower class families helps in feeding their family, educating their children and making them independent in the society who otherwise would have been subjected to malnutrition and exploitation for labour. For example, a family of 6-7 members of a domestic servant, driver, cleaner depends on his/her earnings if they are the sole bread earners of the family. Their earnings feed the family and educates their children which will get happiness to them by considering the fact that they are in a position to afford food and education to the family. On the other hand, Money is not the only aspect that can assure happiness in life. Money might help in improving one's lifestyle. But happiness is not always proportional to the money earned. Money is necessary for investment on materials that can be measured. But happiness is immeasurable. For example, a man of a family works day and night, earning more than sufficient money for his family's needs and wants. But can it assure the happiness of the family? The amount of time the man spends with his family brings more joy and happiness to the members and the quality of time he spends with them is immeasurable and cannot be brought from money. In conclusion, although money is a necessity for measurable happiness, it is not the main way to happiness in life. Happiness depends on aspects more valuable than money.
A section of the society has an opinion that
money
is the main key to
happiness
and happy life.
Money
is a requirement for livelihood.
But
it is not the
only
way to
happiness
. This essay discusses how
money
can
make
people
happy and what are the other aspects that can
make
people
happy in life.

On one hand,
Money
plays a vital role in one's livelihood and in maintaining a standard of living.
Earning
money
for Lower
class
families
helps
in feeding their
family
, educating their children and making them independent in the society who
otherwise
would have
been subjected
to malnutrition and exploitation for
labour
.
For example
, a
family
of 6-7 members of a domestic servant, driver, cleaner depends on his/her
earnings
if they are the sole bread earners of the
family
. Their
earnings
feed the
family
and educates their children which will
get
happiness
to them by considering the fact that they are in a position to afford food and education to the family.

On the other hand
,
Money
is not the
only
aspect that can assure
happiness
in life.
Money
might
help
in improving one's lifestyle.
But
happiness
is not always proportional to the
money
earned.
Money
is necessary for investment on materials that can
be measured
.
But
happiness
is immeasurable.
For example
, a
man
of a
family
works day and night,
earning
more than sufficient
money
for his family's needs and wants.
But
can it assure the
happiness
of the
family
? The amount of time the
man
spends with his
family
brings more joy and
happiness
to the members and the quality of time he spends with them is immeasurable and cannot
be brought
from money.

In conclusion
, although
money
is a necessity for measurable
happiness
, it is not the main way to
happiness
in life.
Happiness
depends on aspects more valuable than
money
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What are the other things in life that can make people happy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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