Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What are the other things in life that can make people happy? v.1

Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What are the other things in life that can make people happy? v. 1
A section of the society has an opinion that money is the main key to happiness and happy life. Money is a requirement for livelihood. But it is not the only way to happiness. This essay discusses how money can make people happy and what are the other aspects that can make people happy in life. On one hand, Money plays a vital role in one's livelihood and in maintaining a standard of living. Earning money for Lower class families helps in feeding their family, educating their children and making them independent in the society who otherwise would have been subjected to malnutrition and exploitation for labour. For example, a family of 6-7 members of a domestic servant, driver, cleaner depends on his/her earnings if they are the sole bread earners of the family. Their earnings feed the family and educates their children which will get happiness to them by considering the fact that they are in a position to afford food and education to the family. On the other hand, Money is not the only aspect that can assure happiness in life. Money might help in improving one's lifestyle. But happiness is not always proportional to the money earned. Money is necessary for investment on materials that can be measured. But happiness is immeasurable. For example, a man of a family works day and night, earning more than sufficient money for his family's needs and wants. But can it assure the happiness of the family? The amount of time the man spends with his family brings more joy and happiness to the members and the quality of time he spends with them is immeasurable and cannot be brought from money. In conclusion, although money is a necessity for measurable happiness, it is not the main way to happiness in life. Happiness depends on aspects more valuable than money.
A section of the society has an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the main key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and happy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is a requirement for livelihood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. This essay discusses how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy and what are the other aspects that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy in life.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays a vital role in one's livelihood and in maintaining a standard of living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for Lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in feeding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, educating their children and making them independent in the society who
otherwise
would have
been subjected
to malnutrition and exploitation for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of 6-7 members of a domestic servant, driver, cleaner depends on his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
if they are the sole bread earners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
feed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and educates their children which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to them by considering the fact that they are in a position to afford food and education to the family.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aspect that can assure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving one's lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not always proportional to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is necessary for investment on materials that can
be measured
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is immeasurable.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
works day and night,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
more than sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for his family's needs and wants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
can it assure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
? The amount of time the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
spends with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
brings more joy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to the members and the quality of time he spends with them is immeasurable and cannot
be brought
from money.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a necessity for measurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, it is not the main way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
depends on aspects more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What are the other things in life that can make people happy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts