Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.7

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 7
Over the last few decades, it has become more common for countries to improve in the agriculture industry, however, some people are still starving. There are many causes for this problem and this essay will explore them, as well as propose some solutions. One of the major cause of this problem is the climate change. Global warming is one of the most pressing issues nowadays, and agriculture has been directly affected by it, since not only planting but also harvesting depend on optimal weather condition. According to a research conducted by the University of Harvard, 20% of crops around the world have died due to the fact that the temperature of the planet has increased in only 1°C. Furthermore, despite the advances in the field of genetically modified food, people are reluctant to accept it, resulting in the lost of even more food that could be resistant to this new temperature. One solution is for the government to allocate more resources in order to create controlled environments for agriculture. This will allow to protect the crops against external threats, so neither the temperature, nor pest may damage the food. In addition, the government can also launch a publicity campaign, which will educate people about the benefits of genetically modified food. Take Japan as an example, since they start educating people about this cutting/edge technology, the hungry rate decreased by 52%, which means that the more educated the people, the more likely is a nation to survive. To sum up, there are multiple causes of starvation around the world such as the climate change and the fear of people when new technology comes. If the government does not take serious actions such as to invest in more agriculture techniques and education for its inhabitants, the problem will worsen. From my point of view, I think that the government plays an important role in the solution.
Over the last few decades, it has become more common for countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
industry,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
starving. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes for this problem and this essay will explore them,
as well
as propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

One of the major cause of this problem is the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Global warming is one of the most pressing issues nowadays, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
has been
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it, since not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
planting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
harvesting depend on optimal weather condition. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the University of Harvard, 20% of crops around the world have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to the fact that the temperature of the planet has increased in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "1 °C"
1°C
.
Furthermore
, despite the advances in the field of
genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reluctant to accept it, resulting in the lost of even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that could be resistant to this new temperature.

One solution is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to allocate more resources in order to create controlled environments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to protect the crops against external threats,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
neither the temperature, nor pest may damage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
launch a publicity campaign, which will educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the benefits of
genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Take Japan as an example, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about this cutting/edge technology, the hungry rate decreased by 52%, which means that the more educated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the more likely is a nation to survive.

To sum up, there are multiple causes of starvation around the world such as the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and the fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when new technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not take serious actions such as to invest in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
techniques and education for its inhabitants, the problem will worsen. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the solution.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts