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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.17

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 17
It is thought by many people that the principle way to be happy is to own too much of money. Having a lot of it can help a human being to satisfy their want, however, there are various other aspects in life-like job satisfaction and being liked by loved ones which can make individual' s happy. Firstly, possessing a lot of money can help a person to satisfy their want. Human beings can buy whatever they want without worrying about their monthly budget or any other financial issue. For instance, according to a recent survey of people between the age 32-37, 45% of the people believed that having a lot of money makes them feel jovial to buy the branded attire of their choice; thereby, satisfying their desired wishes by possessing enough money. Secondly, having a satisfying job also make people happy. Since a person is doing what he loves and is able to give effect to his role, he is more happy with it without being too much concerned about money. Another point to consider is that living with people who makes you feel important and love you is also a vital reason for human being' s happiness. For example, people in developed countries agree that people who stay in joint families in developing countries, where family members enjoy festivals together and share a good bonding among them are happier than them. Thus, an enjoyable job and living with people who like you are a couple of pivotal factors that help in making people feel good. In conclusion, while money is an important factor contributing in making people happy, but there are also other significant aspects in human being' s life-like job-satisfaction and having a support of loved ones which play an important role in making people happy.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the principle way to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
too much of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being to satisfy their want,
however
, there are various other aspects in life-like job satisfaction and
being liked
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s happy.

Firstly
, possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person to satisfy their want.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
beings can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they want without worrying about their monthly budget or any other financial issue.
For instance
, according to a recent survey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between the age 32-37, 45% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them feel jovial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the branded attire of their choice; thereby, satisfying their desired wishes by possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a satisfying job
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Since a person is doing what he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
and is able to give effect to his role, he is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with it without being too much concerned about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Another point to consider is that living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "make"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
makes
you feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "am", "are", "aren"
is
also
a vital reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake found.
being&
#039; s happiness.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who stay in joint families in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, where family members enjoy festivals together and share a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
bonding among them are happier than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
.
Thus
, an enjoyable job and living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like you are a couple of pivotal factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor contributing in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
other significant aspects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake found.
being&
#039; s life-like job-satisfaction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a support of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones which play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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