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Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper What is the reason Is it good idea to copy famous personalities v.1

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper What is the reason Is it good idea to copy famous personalities v. 1
Today’s, the individuals have tendency to follow affluent professional persons which belong to such sports, artist, vocal and drama theatre professions. People come to know about such favourite starts by watching them on TV programs and reading journals articles. However, the name and fame, popularity and luxurious life style fetch attraction of individuals. This essay will discuss the reason why people copy famous persons and also disclose the why it is not positive factor to inherit famous celebrities. To begin with, there are plethoras of reason why people want to copy famous persons. Firstly, the name and fame of such personalities leads the trend to follow their efforts and prospective towards achieving goal. Secondly, the luxurious life style and adequate financial backups of famous individuals also influence people. For instance in INDIA, where the people especially youngsters have enthusiasm to copy persons from sports and film industries. Apparently, they follow them as their role models and try to want become like them. Finally, the newsletters and TV broadcasting houses give crucial response to famous actors and sportsmen, thus the advertisement and popularity of celebrities hold common believe of peoples, On the other hand, due to cosmetic surgery, the film stars gain their presences and popularity. But the ordinary people cannot efforts such expensive aspects. Therefore, this is not good practice to follow favourite persons. Moreover, some cosmetic surgery spurs the health ailments as well. A part from that, if the smoking and alcoholic drinking scene are being broadcasting while performing in film by actor then it might be intensified bad habits among audience. So it is imperative to follow only positive aspects of famous personalities. Lastly, some celebrities do advertisement of prohibited products such as cigarettes and wines. Hence, a person who follows such celebrities will purchase these products although these have health consequences. To sum up, due to rich life style and reputation of popular persons in the country, attracts common people to copying them. However, some bad approaches such as smoking and drinking of affluent personalities may affect on social and health. In my view, individuals should acquire only positive views from famous celebrities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
affluent professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
which belong to such sports, artist, vocal and drama
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
professions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about such
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
by watching them on TV programs and reading journals articles.
However
, the name and fame, popularity and luxurious life style fetch attraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. This essay will discuss the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
and
also
disclose
Did you mean "why"?
the why
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factor to inherit
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
plethoras
of reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
Firstly
, the name and fame of such personalities leads the trend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their efforts and prospective towards achieving goal.
Secondly
, the luxurious life style and adequate financial backups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
also
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
in INDIA, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
youngsters have enthusiasm to copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
from sports and film industries.
Apparently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them as their role models and try to
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want become
like them.
Finally
, the newsletters and TV broadcasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
give crucial response to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
actors and sportsmen,
thus
the advertisement and popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
hold common believe of peoples,

On the other hand
, due to cosmetic surgery, the film stars gain their presences and popularity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot efforts such expensive aspects.
Therefore
, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cosmetic surgery spurs the health ailments
as well
. A part from that, if the smoking and alcoholic drinking scene are being broadcasting while performing in film by actor then it might
be intensified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits among audience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is imperative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities.
Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
prohibited products such as cigarettes and wines.
Hence
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follows
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these products although these have health consequences.

To sum up, due to rich life style and reputation of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in the country, attracts common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to copying them.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
approaches such as smoking and drinking of affluent personalities may
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on social and health. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
views from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper What is the reason Is it good idea to copy famous personalities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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