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A large proportion of people live and work in other countries today than at any time in the past. it is very proble that in the future there will be no borders and people will be freely between countries. To what extent do you agree with this opinion. v.2

A large proportion of people live and work in other countries today than at any time in the past. it is very proble that in the future there will be no borders and people will be freely between countries. v. 2
Nowadays, there are so many people live and work in other countries, and it became common with us. I’m totally disagree that there will no more international borders in the future and we will able to work and live in as many countries as we want. On the one hand, open borders may help people have more opportunities to find a good place to live or find a well-paid job to do in some wealthy countries. Secondly, those countries may be overpopulated because of refugees and immigrants, who come to find jobs and a good environment to live in. And the crime rate might rise extremely high. At the same, we would lose our national identity if we reside in a different country and live with local people for a long time, about 10 or 20 years and we will able to forget our own language. In my opinion, it would cause some problems if we open the international borders like damage the nature, destroy animal’s habitats. The amount of immigrants increase also lead to the requirement of housing, apartments. That is why we have to cut down tree, exploit the forest to build houses and places to people, and the natural materials will be exhausted soon in the future. Vehicles is indispensable factor for people, and the emissions of cars and bikes can make dramatically problem to nature. In conclusion, open international borders may have some benefits for the world but for me, there are more disadvantages of opening borders than the advantages it will make to our life.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and work in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and it became common with us. I’m
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
that there will no more international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borders
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
we
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as we want.

On the one hand, open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borders
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more opportunities to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
or find a well-paid job to do in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Secondly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
may
be overpopulated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of refugees and immigrants, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to find jobs and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in. And the crime rate might rise
extremely
high.

At the same, we would lose our national identity if we reside in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a long time, about 10 or 20
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
we
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to forget our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language. In my opinion, it would cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems if we open the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borders
like damage the nature,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
animal’s habitats. The amount of immigrants
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "increases"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'increase' is not always incorrect.)
increase
also
lead to the requirement of housing, apartments.
That is
why we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down tree, exploit the forest to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and places to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and the natural materials will
be exhausted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
in the future. Vehicles
You should probably use: "are" or "were".
is
indispensable factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and the emissions of cars and bikes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
dramatically
problem to nature.

In conclusion
, open international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borders
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for me, there are more disadvantages of opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borders
than the advantages it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to our life.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A large proportion of people live and work in other countries today than at any time in the past. it is very proble that in the future there will be no borders and people will be freely between countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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