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Some people say that what children watch on TV influence their behaviour while others say that say the amount of time they spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that what children watch on TV influence their behaviour while others say that say the amount of time they spend watching TV influences their behaviour. v. 2
One of the highly controversial issue today relates to what kids wasting time on TV have a negative impact on them or what they are watching changes them. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and give my own perspective on the matter. On one side of this argument, there are people who argue that watching Tv have a considerable negative effect on young kids. Moreover, kids who have been watching bad movies or shows, for Instance, sexual, adultery, crime movies have bad conduct. It is also possible to say that watching such shows or movies have detrimental effects on their behaviour. one illustration of this is that a 6 years old kid commit a suicide by hanging in a rope in his home, admittedly, he usually watches crime Tv shows. On the other hand, it is also possible to say that watching TV for long hours can make them lazy and dependent on their parents for every single thing. It is often argued that people become overweight by sedentary work or watch Tv for long hours, so does young kids. A particularly good example here is a research that conducted in 2006, 65% of American kids were overweight during this survey. In conclusion, I believe that both arguments have their merits. On balance, I tend to believe that the issue is what is being watched on TV. Kids should not be neglected and left alone with TV.
One of the
highly
controversial issue
today
relates to what
kids
wasting time on TV have a
negative
impact on them or what they are watching
changes
them. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and give my
own
perspective on the matter.

On one side of this argument, there are
people
who argue that watching
Tv
have a considerable
negative
effect on young
kids
.
Moreover
,
kids
who have been watching
bad
movies or
shows
,
for Instance
, sexual, adultery, crime movies have
bad
conduct. It is
also
possible to say that watching such
shows
or movies have detrimental effects on their
behaviour
.
one
illustration of this is that a 6 years
old
kid
commit a suicide by hanging in a rope in his home,
admittedly
, he
usually
watches
crime
Tv
shows
.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to say that watching TV for long hours can
make
them lazy and dependent on their parents for every single thing. It is
often
argued that
people
become overweight by sedentary work or
watch
Tv
for long hours,
so
does young
kids
. A
particularly
good
example here is a research that conducted in 2006, 65% of American
kids
were overweight during this survey.

In conclusion
, I believe that both arguments have their merits. On balance, I tend to believe that the issue is what is being
watched
on TV.
Kids
should not
be neglected
and
left
alone with TV.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that what children watch on TV influence their behaviour while others say that say the amount of time they spend watching TV influences their behaviour. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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