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Some people say that what children watch influences their behavior Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behavior most Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that what children watch influences their behavior Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behavior most 1
Advancement of mankind has provided us a nuclear energy, which has brought many benefits to evolution, but it has likewise put a threat to our planet. Although, this technology has been progressively used as a power source and in medicinal science, it became a danger to human life. This essay will discuss the risk created to our globe by nuclear intensity and its positive and negative aspect of uses. One problem related to this technology is that, countries trying to prove themselves a powerful nation. In other words, the country with maximum nuclear power and weapons try to dominate the other country, which brings the threat to a humanity and eventually to our planet. For instance, in world war II, America had used nuclear bomb against Japan and destroyed their two major cities which cause millions of people lost their lives. After so many years of this event, Japan still faces many problems because related to health. Therefore, this destructive automation can significantly affect human life on Earth. On the other hand, the nuclear intensity has been positively used by many authorities for the advancement of mankind, but it also has risks. Firstly, this advance automation act as a power source and show most important involvement to develop medical science. To illustrate, the nuclear radiations can be used to identify the disease in patient body and treatment can be immediately made. However, the same radiation can become dangerous to the human body and can cause death. In Russia, for example, because of radiation extracted from Nuclear plant, 400 workers died. Hence, nuclear strength can be an important factor for progress, but it also become risk to life. In conclusion, since every scientific invention has proved to have two facets, nuclear influence can become the answer to a problem related to energy consumption and many medicinal options of the world, provided it is used wisely. All countries small or big, must come together and work towards using the nuclear efficiency as a tool of development.
Advancement of mankind has provided us a nuclear energy, which has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to evolution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
likewise
put a threat to our planet. Although, this technology has been
progressively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a power source and in medicinal science, it became a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to human life. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
created to our globe by nuclear intensity and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
.

One problem related to this technology is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
trying to prove themselves a powerful nation.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with maximum nuclear power and weapons try to dominate the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which brings the threat to a humanity and
eventually
to our planet.
For instance
, in
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war II
, America had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
nuclear bomb against Japan and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
their two major cities which cause millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, Japan
still
faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
related to health.
Therefore
, this destructive automation can
significantly
affect human life on Earth.

On the other hand
, the nuclear intensity has been
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authorities for the advancement of mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Firstly
, this advance automation act as a power source and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
involvement to develop medical science. To illustrate, the nuclear radiations can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to identify the disease in patient body and treatment can be immediately made.
However
, the same radiation can become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the human body and can cause death. In Russia,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of radiation extracted from Nuclear plant, 400 workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
Hence
, nuclear strength can be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for progress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to life.

In conclusion
, since every scientific invention has proved to have two facets, nuclear influence can become the answer to a problem related to energy consumption and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medicinal options of the world, provided it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and work towards using the nuclear efficiency as a tool of development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that what children watch influences their behavior Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behavior most 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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