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The best way for government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The best way for government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. v. 1
It cannot be denied that there are certain sports which are considered lethal, yet those are quite popular among the masses. While there are various reasons associated with their popularity, I think it is the thrill and adventure that fascinates people. This essay will discuss reasons for the participation in such sports as well as some suggestions in order to deal with the dangers involved. The possible cause for taking part in the dangerous sports activities is the excitement that attracts individuals. Since a vast majority of people, especially our youth, always love to explore the world, and broaden their horizons, so they try different leisure games, such as scuba diving, bungee jumping, and many more. These would provide them a chance to overcome their fear and to experience the dangers of life. For instance, Football which is played throughout the world, is extremely popular among the people, although it has certain controversy because of the conflicts. Thus adventurous sports have gained popularity in spite of the danger. However, it is the onus on the organising committee to reduce the level of threats so that these can be minimised. Undeniably, tremendous participants take part in these sports, which can prove fatal. Thus if the organisations provide sufficient safety equipments and measures to overcome the problems, then numerous people will bed attracted in this direction rather than escaping. For example, bungee jumping is organised in Rishikesh, where players from all over the country come to enjoy since they are offering a good service. To elucidate, these committees should take proper care of the participants. To sum up, despite the fatal in association with some sports, individuals are fond of adventure and thrill. It should be the responsibility of the companies hosting such games to diminish the detrimental effects to the individuals.
It cannot
be denied
that there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
are considered
lethal,
yet
those are quite popular among the masses. While there are various reasons associated with their popularity, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the thrill and adventure that fascinates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss reasons for the participation in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions in order to deal with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
involved.

The possible cause for taking part in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities is the excitement that attracts individuals. Since a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
our youth, always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore the world, and broaden their horizons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
leisure games, such as scuba diving, bungee jumping, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. These would provide them a chance to overcome their fear and to experience the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of life.
For instance
, Football which
is played
throughout the world, is
extremely
popular among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, although it has certain controversy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the conflicts.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
adventurous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have gained popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

However
, it is the onus on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
committee to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of threats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.
Undeniably
, tremendous participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which can prove fatal.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
provide sufficient safety equipments and measures to overcome the problems, then numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will bed attracted in this direction
rather
than escaping.
For example
, bungee jumping is
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rishikesh
, where players from all over the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to enjoy since they are offering a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
service. To elucidate, these committees should take proper care of the participants.

To sum up, despite the fatal in association with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, individuals are fond of adventure and thrill. It should be the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hosting such games to diminish the detrimental effects to the individuals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay The best way for government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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