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Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore. with this opinion? v. 1
Advertisement is a source of promoting something. It is generally believed by some people that we are being forced to purchase the things that are important us. While on the other side some believe that these adverts are the source of awareness. Let's discuss it in the detail. Adverts play their important part to educate the people. Through these we are able to know about the products being launched in the market. There are a lot of people who usually sit at home. For those people, these adverts are the source of guidance about something and help them to distinguish about what to purchase and what not to purchase. It assists them to pay for those that are necessary for them. On the opposite, these advertisements actually make the life so difficult. Now, due to advancement in technology, everything is posted on the social media just in a few seconds and people can not stay unaware anymore. Their urge to increase to get the new products are being elevated through these adverts. They are purchasing the things that are attracting them not the things that are their necessities. And the reason they made their life too tough for their self. To conclude, these adverts provoke the people to go beyond their limits. But according to my knowledge, it depends upon the person to person how they take these adverts. It's not their fault they actually keep us updated with the new products and through these we can get the ample amount of information.
Advertisement is a source of promoting something. It is
generally
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that we are
being forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the things that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
us.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
on the other side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that these adverts are the source of awareness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss it in the detail.

Adverts play their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Through these we are able to know about the products
being launched
in the market. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
usually
sit at home. For those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, these adverts are the source of guidance about something and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to distinguish about what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and what not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. It assists them to pay for those that are necessary for them.

On the opposite, these advertisements actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, due to advancement in technology, everything
is posted
on the social media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a few seconds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not stay unaware anymore. Their urge to increase to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the new products are
being elevated
through these adverts. They are purchasing the things that are attracting them not the things that are their necessities. And the reason they made their life too tough for their self.

To conclude
, these adverts provoke the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go beyond their limits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
according to my knowledge, it depends upon the person to person how they take these adverts. It's not their fault they actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us updated with the new products and through these we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the ample amount of information.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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