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Some people say that we are wasting our money in the space race. We need to spend money on earth. Do you agree or disagree with this. v.1

Some people say that we are wasting our money in the space race. We need to spend money on earth. with this. v. 1
In todays advanced world we have an abundance of choices available. Rightly so, some people think they have a lot of options to choose from. This essay will argue that with the advancement in science, technology and industrial revolution there are plenty of choices available. With the development and discoveries in science and technology all the fields of life have evolved and many more products and services are available to pick from. Due to the scientific discoveries the processes have become simpler and easier as a result the overall growth has taken place in every field, and people are producing more products. For instance, a few decades back there were very few brands of toiletries and cosmetics were available, whereas, now a day supermarket shelves are flooded with varieties and versions of a single product, so it even becomes hard to select. Not only the consumer goods, but, a lot of options are available in service industry as well. For example, there use to be a lot less number of banks, hospitals available in old times, now there are plenty to pick according to one’s preference. The technological revolution has opened the doors of production of too many consumable items and facilities. Another reason that we have plenty to choose from is because, the world has transformed into a global village. The distances have shrunk, the mode of transportation is fast, reliable and cheap. Therefore, whatever is developed, produced or grown anywhere is easily transportable to any part of the world. For example, the spices from India are easily available worldwide. Easy and cheap transportation have increased the number of choices for everyone living in any part of the globe. This essay argued, that industrialization and globalization has resulted in increased number of options. I completely agree that in the current era humans are flooded with options.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
advanced world we have an abundance of choices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
.
Rightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
to choose from. This essay will argue that with the advancement in science, technology and industrial revolution there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of choices available.

With the development and discoveries in science and technology all the fields of life have evolved and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more products and services are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
to pick from. Due to the scientific discoveries the processes have become simpler and easier
as a result
the
overall
growth has taken place in every field, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are producing more products.
For instance
, a few decades back there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few brands of toiletries and cosmetics were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
, whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day supermarket shelves
are flooded
with varieties and versions of a single product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it even becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to select. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in service industry
as well
.
For example
, there
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be a lot less number of banks, hospitals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
to pick according to one’s preference. The technological revolution has opened the doors of production of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consumable items and facilities.

Another reason that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
to choose from is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the world has transformed into a global village. The distances have shrunk, the mode of transportation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, reliable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
Therefore
, whatever
is developed
, produced or grown anywhere is
easily
transportable to any part of the world.
For example
, the spices from India are
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
worldwide. Easy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
transportation have increased the number of choices for everyone living in any part of the globe.

This essay argued, that industrialization and globalization has resulted in increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era humans
are flooded
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that we are wasting our money in the space race. We need to spend money on earth. with this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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