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Some people say that we are wasting our money in the space race. We need to spend money on earth. Do you agree or disagree with this. v.2

Some people say that we are wasting our money in the space race. We need to spend money on earth. with this. v. 2
It is undisputed that the willingness of all nations is tremendously increasing to delve on the other planets for existence of humans. Presently, some people opine that spending treasurer in the space exploration is waste of money. So that, spending money on earth should be the priority of every nation. Here, I would like to accord with the given statement firmly and some logical points will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. There are manifold points to endorse my point of view. first and the foremost, spending money to explore the outer space is not lucrative for the nations. To demonstrate, nations can not colonize humans on the other planets because environment is not suitable for human survival. For instance, a study found that, Human settlements is impossible in mars due to unavailability of oxygen and people could not stand on the surface because of no gravitational force. So, there is no any reason to invest money in space exploration programmes. Further, emphasizing in my point of view, our own earth is facing a lot of brutal issues. To be specific, global warming and depletion of ozone layer are on the top of table have elicit a harsh environment for the adaptation of humans. So, government of all nations should invest financial resources to minimize these global issues. What is more, they should invest money on the development of techniques that use renewable source of energy such as solar energy, water et. cetera. To recapitulate, undeniably, people are becoming fascinated for the exploration of space. But, It is clear that government must focus on the prevailing issue that are facing by every nation.
It
is undisputed
that the willingness of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is
tremendously
increasing to delve on the other planets for existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that spending treasurer in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on earth should be the priority of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. Here, I would like to accord with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
firmly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
will
be discussed
in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are manifold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
to endorse my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
and the foremost, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to explore the outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is not lucrative for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. To demonstrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can not colonize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on the other planets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
environment is not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
survival.
For instance
, a study found that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
settlements is impossible in
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
due to unavailability of oxygen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could not stand on the surface
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no gravitational force.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any reason to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

Further
, emphasizing in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
earth is facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
brutal issues. To be specific, global warming and depletion of ozone layer are on the top of table have
Use past participle here: "elicited".
elicit
a harsh environment for the adaptation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should invest financial resources to minimize these global issues.
What is more
, they should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the development of techniques that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
renewable source of energy such as solar energy, water
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
cetera
.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming fascinated for the exploration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on the prevailing issue that are facing by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that we are wasting our money in the space race. We need to spend money on earth. with this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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