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Some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Other believe that the family still remains more important v.2

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Other believe that the family still remains more important v. 2
The popularity of used clothes among young people has been increased these days. This is happening because of the scarcity of money, and unemployment and I believe this trend is a positive development as it can decrease the environmental problems. The young people are facing financial difficulties these days because they do not have enough job opportunities. In other words, the unemployment rate among the young generation has been increased drastically, and they can not afford to buy new clothes. Therefore, they prefer to buy cheap products, and second-hand clothes are in their budget. For example, a recent survey conducted by the Guardian revealed that 55% of students in Canada admitted that they buy their clothes from the stores that sell used clothes because they do not have enough money to spend on new clothes. I believe that people buying second-clothes is positive because it can help to reduce environmental issues such as water pollution. That is to say, the chemicals use to produce clothes are harmful to the environment and many rivers are already polluted because of the wastewater thrown in waterways. Thus, if people begin to buy used clothes the production of new clothes will be decreased and this will result in reducing water pollution. For instance, according to a report by the Times of India in the year 2017 the level of pollution in Ganga, the holy river, was decreased by 40%, after the closure of cloth manufacturing plants by the government, near the banks of it. In conclusion, the trend of buying used clothes has been increasing among young individuals because they have a shortage of money due to unemployment, and I think this is a positive development, as it will help in sorting out environmental issues.
The popularity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been increased
these days. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the scarcity of money, and unemployment and I believe this trend is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as it can decrease the environmental problems.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing financial difficulties these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
job opportunities.
In other words
, the unemployment rate among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation has
been increased
drastically
, and they can not afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Therefore
, they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
products, and second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are in their budget.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the Guardian revealed that 55% of students in Canada admitted that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
from the stores that sell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to spend on new clothes.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying second-clothes is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environmental issues such as water pollution.
That is
to say, the chemicals
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are harmful to the environment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rivers are already polluted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wastewater thrown in waterways.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
the production of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
will
be decreased
and this will result in reducing water pollution.
For instance
, according to a report by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
in the year 2017 the level of pollution in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ganga
, the holy river,
was decreased
by 40%, after the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloth
manufacturing plants by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, near the banks of it.

In conclusion
, the trend of buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has been increasing among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a shortage of money due to unemployment, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in sorting out environmental issues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Other believe that the family still remains more important v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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