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Some countries build specialized facilities for top athletes to train instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Some countries build specialized facilities for top athletes to train instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
The development of online shopping is increasing and this will one day result in the closing of all shops in rural and urban areas. This essay agrees with the statement because people can save a lot of time via online shopping and it provides the best price to customers. When people buy things online they can save a huge amount of their time. In other words, people have to spend time on travel and billing for their purchases if they buy from local shops. Therefore, e-shopping can help them to do the shopping by sitting at home and they can spend their time effectively. For example, a recent report by the Times of India suggested that 55% of people in the cities admitted that they prefer to order groceries online because they do not have time to go to the shops. Another reason to consider is that customers can buy products at a low cost. That is to say, online portals often provide an enormous amount of discounts to customers. This because there are no intermediaries and sellers can sell their products directly. As a result, people can buy products with a discount of 30 to 40% of the original price. For instance, according to a recent survey by the Times magazine 40% of people buy electronic gadgets such as smartphones from Amazon because they offer a 30% discount as compared to the price in local shops. In conclusion, I strongly believe that online shopping can make the shops disappear because it can save time and offer lower prices to customers.
The development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is increasing and this will one day result in the closing of all shops in rural and urban areas. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and it provides the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
to customers.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
they can save a huge amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on travel and billing for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
from local shops.
Therefore
, e-shopping can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
by sitting at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
.
For example
, a recent report by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India suggested that 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the cities admitted that they prefer to order groceries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go to the shops.

Another reason to consider is that customers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
products at a low cost.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
portals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide an enormous amount of discounts to customers. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are no intermediaries and sellers can sell their products
directly
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
products with a discount of 30 to 40% of the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
.
For instance
, according to a recent survey by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
magazine 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
electronic gadgets such as smartphones from Amazon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they offer a 30% discount as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
in local shops.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the shops disappear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and offer lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
to customers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some countries build specialized facilities for top athletes to train instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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