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Some people say that travelling abroad is necessary to get knowledge about other countries, while others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about foreign countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that travelling abroad is necessary to get knowledge about other countries, while others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about foreign countries. v. 1
It is argued that students get more benefits than the society after completing the territorial education so, all the cost of tuition must be paid by the students. However, the essay does not support this statement due to some reasons. Firstly, the government should invest some amount of money as it will help to improve the economy of the nation for long term and secondly, the motivation and support will increase the number of students. To begin with, Education helps to develop not only the society, but also the nation. This is because students who are coming out of those institutions by achieving high grades and skills, influence the chances of getting a high paid job, which ensures that the country gain an exorbitant amount of money as tax from those students for long term and eventually, the country's economy will be flourished. For instance, South Korea invested large amount of their budget for the education and this has reaped benefits with high-tech companies such as Samsung. It is not just improving the economy of the country, it will also increase the number of educated people in the nation. This is because there are many intellectual and talented students who do not have enough financial capacity to continue their higher education. If the governments are ready to lend money then it will inspire numerous youngsters to complete their further studies, As a result, they will be more dedicated and responsible for the development of the society. For example, Kerala is the number one state in education in India because the government provides subsidies to students. In addition, it accounted for the lowest crime rates and poverty level compared to other states. In conclusion, education is the key feature for the whole development of a nation so, the government should support students instead of forcing them to spend a huge amount.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits than the society after completing the territorial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, all the cost of tuition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, the essay does not support this statement due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
for long term and
secondly
, the motivation and support will increase the number of students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are coming out of those institutions by achieving high grades and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, influence the chances of getting a high paid job, which ensures that the country gain an exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money as tax from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for long term and
eventually
, the country's economy will
be flourished
.
For instance
, South Korea invested large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of their budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and this has reaped benefits with high-tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as Samsung.

It is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
improving the economy of the country, it will
also
increase the number of educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intellectual and talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial capacity to continue their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are ready to lend money then it will inspire numerous youngsters to complete their
further
studies,
As a result
, they will be more dedicated and responsible for the development of the society.
For example
, Kerala is the number one state in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides subsidies to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In addition
, it accounted for the lowest crime rates and poverty level compared to other states.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key feature for the whole development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
instead
of forcing them to spend a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that travelling abroad is necessary to get knowledge about other countries, while others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about foreign countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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