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For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v.1

For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 1
It is being considered that to get into university for any student is not so easy regardless of one’s financial status. I agree that to get admission in university has some requirements that one should fulfil to get in, even if someone is ready to pay any amount. Also, many students who get admission but cannot afford the tuition fees can get a scholarship by covering its own requirements. Firstly, in order to have admission in any university, it requires you to go through each of the need which a particular university is looking for. For instance, some universities ask students to have a very good academic record and other questions about to get passed in some standard tests. In addition, some universities also ask for the nationality, as if that falls in the acceptable list of countries. So, whether poor or rich one should overcome all the needs of any university. On the other hand, if a poor student is looking for admission in university and he/she completes every aspect of the admission committee what they are looking for, then he/she will surely get admission. Again, if that student cannot afford to pay the sum of money, then he or she can apply for the scholarships, many academic institutes offer various scholarships, but each of them has its own requirements, those again need to be covered in order to grab that opportunity. To conclude, the student who seeks admission in any university does not require to have a good financial background, all he or she must do is, complete the requirements of the institute, furthermore if anyone suffers to pay, then there are funding’s available in various universities.
It is
being considered
that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy regardless of one’s financial status. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
requirements that one should fulfil to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in, even if someone is ready to pay any amount.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot afford the tuition fees can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a scholarship by covering its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
requirements.

Firstly
, in order to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, it requires you to go through each of the need which a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is looking for.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic record and other questions about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Did you mean "past"?
passed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
standard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the nationality, as if that falls in the acceptable list of countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, whether poor or rich one should overcome all the needs of any university.

On the other hand
, if a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
university and
he/she completes every aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
committee what they are looking for, then he/she will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
. Again, if that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
cannot afford to pay the sum of money, then he or she can apply for the scholarships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic institutes offer various scholarships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
each of them has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
requirements, those again need to
be covered
in order to grab that opportunity.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who seeks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
does not require to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial background, all he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do is, complete the requirements of the institute,
furthermore
if anyone suffers to pay, then there are funding’s available in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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