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Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures. How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those who stay at home? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant exam v.2

Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures. How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those who stay at home? 2
A certain number of people believe that the richest person is the happiest one, whereas others hold a view, that there are also others factors which can make people happy. In my opinion, having a good family and friends, good environment at work place are much more important aspects than money. To embark with, being rich means easily fulfilling all the basics as well as extravagance needs of a human such as clothes, big bungalow and long car. Moreover, affluent people can do the treatment of the diseases from the renowned hospitals. For instance, the Indian cricket team player "Yuvraj Singh" did the treatment of his cancer, even it was in its last stage because he was the richest Batman. On the other hand, if people are having a good family, then no other thing in the world can give them happiness of this kind. In fact, they do not easily become the victim of the ailments. For example, a survey was conducted by an agency in which they found that 70% of people who were suffering from the depression were belonged to the rich class. If people have less amount of cash but, they have the best surroundings as well as job of their choice at the offices, then it makes them more ecstatic. To exemplify, the government employees get a higher salary, but they are not satisfied with the work in which they are engaged in their offices. That is why they want to go to the private sector. To conclude, although money matters for those people who believe that it can buy everything they need to live a comfortable life, but there are many others factors that can bring joyfulness to the lives of other people. The working environment and family are a few of them.
A certain number of
people
believe that the richest person is the happiest one, whereas others hold a view, that there are
also
others factors which can
make
people
happy. In my opinion, having a
good
family and friends,
good
environment at work place are much more
important
aspects than money.

To embark with, being rich means
easily
fulfilling all the basics
as well
as extravagance needs of a human such as clothes,
big
bungalow and long car.
Moreover
, affluent
people
can do the treatment of the diseases from the renowned hospitals.
For instance
, the Indian cricket team player
"
Yuvraj
Singh
"
did the treatment of his cancer, even it was in its last stage
because
he was the richest Batman.

On the
other
hand, if
people
are having a
good
family, then no
other
thing in the world can give them happiness of this kind. In fact, they do not
easily
become the victim of the ailments.
For example
, a survey
was conducted
by an agency in which they found that 70% of
people
who were suffering from the depression
were belonged
to the rich
class
.

If
people
have less amount of cash
but
, they have the best surroundings
as well
as job of their choice at the offices, then it
makes
them more ecstatic. To exemplify, the
government
employees
get
a higher salary,
but
they are not satisfied with the work in which they
are engaged
in their offices.
That is
why they want to go to the private sector.

To conclude
, although money matters for those
people
who believe that it can
buy
everything they need to
live
a comfortable life,
but
there are
many
others factors that can bring joyfulness to the
lives
of
other
people
. The working environment and family are a few of them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures. How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those who stay at home? 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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