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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school? v.1

that skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school? v. 1
Lots of museums charge a fee while others do not. This essay thinks that the benefits of charging do not outweigh the drawbacks because open access to relics and art is more important than generating money that the government should supply in any event. The main disadvantage is that high fees exclude a large proportion of the population, especially in less developed countries. Many people in poor countries have just enough wealth for food and shelter. Exhibits are one of the few cultural activities they can enjoy free of charge. For example, Egypt has millions of people living in poverty, but also a rich and ancient culture and it is therefore important that everyone gets to experience these artefacts. Another big negative is that students and children who are learning about the world may not be able to visit. It would be a huge shame if art students could not see their favourite painters or sculptor’s work in real life because their finances could not cover the cost. Despite this, there are some who say that museums are unsustainable without the fund they might get from ticket sales. They say that this allows the building to remain open and it is better that some people get to experience it, rather than none at all. To this I would say that the government should step in and cover the cost because culture is as important as anything else it spends fund on. For instance, in the UK there have been huge government spending cuts over the last few years, but the museums have not had their funding reduced because of their importance to the country’s cultural heritage. In conclusion, although some might say that places of culture should run like a business, the cost to the education and heritage of the country is too great and they should remain free to all.
Lots of museums charge a fee while others do not. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the benefits of charging do not outweigh the drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
open access to relics and art is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than generating money that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should supply in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

The main disadvantage is that high fees exclude a large proportion of the population,
especially
in less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
wealth for food and shelter. Exhibits are one of the few cultural activities they can enjoy free of charge.
For example
, Egypt has millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in poverty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a rich and ancient culture and it is
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to experience these
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
is that students and children who are learning about the world may not be able to visit. It would be a huge shame if art students could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
painters or sculptor’s work in real life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their finances could not cover the cost.

Despite this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who say that museums are unsustainable without the fund they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from ticket sales. They say that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the building to remain open and it is better that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to experience it,
rather
than none at all. To this I would say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should step in and cover the cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
culture is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as anything else it spends fund on.
For instance
, in the UK there have been huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
over the last few years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the museums have not had their funding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
cultural heritage.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might say that places of culture should run like a business, the cost to the education and heritage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is too
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
great and
they should remain free to all.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay that skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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