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It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages? ” v.2

It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages? ” v. 2
Some people believe that each household should have possession of domestic gadgets such as a car, a TV, and a refrigerator. Although this personal belonging can bring convenience to the owners to some extent, I strongly support that this evolution does more harm than good. On the one hand, people can reap a huge benefit from these external materials. First, promoting the national economy and society is one of its main contributions. The more demands to possess these products are, the bigger the manufacturing process expands, providing more job prospects to the unemployed. This then decreases the high rate of jobless, implementing the workforce to contribute to mass manufacture. Second, the increasing consumption forces producer to plan competitive pricing. More specifically, the prices of products will decrease, allowing the low-paid workers to afford these appliances and enjoy the comfort of life. On the other hand, these trends will exert a detrimental impact on the environment and changing the view of people. There is a likelihood that the environment will be polluted as a result of releasing the wages and exhaust fume from factories and exploiting the natural sources for material. Moreover, people tend to become consumerism which associates the possession of newly-launched items with happiness. This leads to a greedy and jealous of others which then increases the gap between the have and have not. In conclusion, although this tren can provide an economic incentive, I believe its demerits outweigh perks. It is highly recommended that each individual should think twice when purchasing products.
Some
people
believe that each household should have possession of domestic gadgets such as a car, a TV, and a refrigerator. Although this personal belonging can bring convenience to the owners to
some
extent, I
strongly
support that this evolution does more harm than
good
.

On the one hand,
people
can reap a huge benefit from these external materials.
First
, promoting the national economy and society is one of its main contributions. The more demands to possess these products are, the bigger the manufacturing process expands, providing more job prospects to the unemployed. This then decreases the high rate of jobless, implementing the workforce to contribute to mass manufacture. Second, the increasing consumption forces producer to plan competitive pricing. More
specifically
, the prices of products will decrease, allowing the low-paid workers to afford these appliances and enjoy the comfort of life.

On the other hand
, these trends will exert a detrimental impact on the environment and changing the view of
people
. There is a likelihood that the environment will
be polluted
as a result
of releasing the wages and exhaust fume from factories and exploiting the natural sources for material.
Moreover
,
people
tend to become consumerism which associates the possession of
newly
-launched items with happiness. This leads to a greedy and jealous of others which then increases the gap between the have and have not.

In conclusion
, although this
tren
can provide an economic incentive, I believe its demerits outweigh perks. It is
highly
recommended that each individual should
think
twice when purchasing products.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages? ” v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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