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Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. v.3

Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Give your own opinion. v. 3
To decrease tensions between countries, expanding international organizations has been one of the most prominent challenges for governments and people during the history. Hence, international Olympic committee have been established more than 100 years ago to develop countries connections by utilize sports competitive potential. Some international social experts believe that Olympic Games have big roles in global relationships. They emphasize that in addition to competitive atmosphere, these tournaments cause to increase communications between cultures undoubtedly. During Olympics holding time, people from participated countries neglect their fundamental issues and pay attention to these competitions. These experts think that this frequent competitions have some economical influences for host countries because of increasing tourists and visitors during holding time. Comprehensive researches in last 3 periods of Olympic Games illustrated that amount of visitors in host countries increased more than 40% on average in Olympic years. On the other hand, some other international expert think that except of sport value Olympic Games don’t have any effect in world`s events. They believe that for majority of people in all over the world because of some basic problems in economy and social issues, these competitions don’t have any importance absolutely. In their opinion, even these competitions increase spending money in host countries and lead to some economic issues for them. In conclusion, according to statistics, advantages of Olympic Games were more than disadvantages especially for host countries. It is undeniable that these tournaments have big influences in social and cultural communications among countries and their athletes. I think these competitions achieved their main target. I believe that governments and organizations should devise some appropriate plans like Olympic Games to decrease and maybe eliminate conflicts between nations.
To decrease tensions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
organizations has been one of the most prominent challenges for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during the history.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
Olympic committee have
been established
more than 100 years ago to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
connections by utilize sports competitive potential.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
social experts believe that Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
roles in global relationships. They emphasize that
in addition
to competitive atmosphere, these tournaments cause
Did you mean "increasing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to increase
communications between cultures
undoubtedly
. During Olympics holding time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from participated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
neglect their fundamental issues and pay attention to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
. These experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economical influences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing tourists and visitors during holding time. Comprehensive researches in last 3 periods of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
illustrated that amount of visitors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
increased more than 40% on average in Olympic years.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
expert
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that except of sport value Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
don’t have any effect in
The character between 'world' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "world’s" (curly apostrophe) or "world's" (straight apostrophe).
world`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. They believe that for majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic problems in economy and social issues, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
don’t have any importance
absolutely
. In their opinion, even these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
increase spending money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic issues for them.

In conclusion
, according to statistics, advantages of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
were more than disadvantages
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is undeniable that these tournaments have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influences in social and cultural communications among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and their athletes. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
achieved their main target. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and organizations should devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate plans like Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
to decrease and maybe eliminate conflicts between nations.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Give your own opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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