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Some people say that the Olympic Games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say that the Olympic Games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Give your own opinion. v. 2
Thanks to globalization and technology advancement, international sporting events such as Olympics have the biggest fan following. Although some feel that these events are not important for this century, I, however, believe that it is very essential for two main reasons. Firstly, it is a place where talented people showcase their talents. Many players work dedicatedly to get qualified for Olympics as it provides them worldwide recognition. For instance, an Indian wrestler named Yogeshwar, who came in limelight after becoming a gold medalist in Olympics 2012. Similarly, James Boult, South African racer, got a huge fan following after his breath-taking performance in the final match in Olympics 2007. So, these sporting events are the places which motivate players to work hard as it makes them a celebrity. Another reason is the cultural diversity. During the match, people of different countries often sit together which gives them an opportunity to come to know about each other lifestyles. Moreover, these international games support middle or small scale businessmen to increase their income. For example, small scale companies get a chance to sell their handmade products to spectators. Hence, not only are Olympics a way of cultural exchange, but it also allows them to earn more. In conclusion, not only does Olympics provide a new place to the players to showcase their talent to a wider audience, but it also helps the host country to stimulate their economy by boosting small level business. Therefore, I believe that international sports events are essential.
Thanks to globalization and technology advancement, international sporting
events
such as Olympics have the biggest fan following. Although
some
feel that these
events
are not
important
for this century, I,
however
, believe that it is
very
essential for two main reasons.

Firstly
, it is a place where talented
people
showcase their talents.
Many
players work
dedicatedly
to
get
qualified for Olympics as it provides them worldwide recognition.
For instance
, an Indian wrestler named
Yogeshwar
, who came in limelight after becoming a gold medalist in Olympics 2012.
Similarly
, James
Boult
, South African racer,
got
a huge fan following after his breath-taking performance in the final match in Olympics 2007.
So
, these sporting
events
are the places which motivate players to work
hard
as it
makes
them a celebrity.

Another reason is the cultural diversity. During the match,
people
of
different
countries
often
sit together which gives them an opportunity to
come
to know about each other lifestyles.
Moreover
, these international games support middle or
small
scale businessmen to increase their income.
For example
,
small
scale
companies
get
a chance to sell their handmade products to spectators.
Hence
, not
only
are Olympics a way of cultural exchange,
but
it
also
allows
them to earn more.

In conclusion
, not
only
does Olympics provide a new place to the players to showcase their talent to a wider audience,
but
it
also
helps
the host country to stimulate their economy by boosting
small
level business.
Therefore
, I believe that international sports
events
are essential.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the Olympic Games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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