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Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Give your own opinion. v. 1
Mode of exercise has been dramatically changed over the decade, while it is possible that advanced approach of physical activities will eventually replace the old school pattern of the gym, it is unlikely that the decade old approach will be taken over. This essay will discuss why individual prefer a new mode to stay healthy over classical approach. Body weight exercises will eventually supersede all the weighted exercises which necessitate more complex skills and strength to perform. Moreover, the individual is poor at time management, they wish to workout at home and follow online coaches to manage their calorie deficit program because it is far less cheaper than classical gym and instructor fees. A recent study conducted by bodybuilding, for example, 73% of the people tends to perform physical training at their convenient time, in addition, they are quite reluctant to join the body building centres because of their busy schedule. For these reasons it is a general perception among the individual that the future workout program will be outside gym. Conversely, the professional athletes prefer to work out in the gym following their old parameters to get the desired physique. Many individuals will turn to club because they can get more physical personal coaching from the well experienced coaches, motivation to compete with other people around them. A recent survey has been conducted which results in, for instance professional body builder incline to be associated with renown clubs for their pride. Body weight exercise will never be able to achieve what weightlifting exercise achieved over the decade. In conclusion, health club training will eventually be outdone by the body fitness exercise, however, professional athletes still prefer to go classical gym. Ultimately, fitness centre will remain productive for the professional bodybuilders.
Mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
has been
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the decade, while it is possible that advanced approach of physical activities will
eventually
replace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
school pattern of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
, it is unlikely that the decade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
approach will
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
prefer a new mode to stay healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
classical approach.

Body weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
will
eventually
supersede all the weighted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
which necessitate more complex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and strength to perform.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is poor at time management, they wish to workout at home and follow online coaches to manage their calorie deficit program
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is far
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less cheap"?
less cheaper
than classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
and instructor fees. A recent study conducted by bodybuilding,
for example
, 73% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tends to perform physical training at their convenient time,
in addition
, they are quite reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
building
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule. For these reasons it is a general perception among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
that the future workout program will be outside gym.

Conversely
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes prefer to work out in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
following their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parameters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired physique.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will turn to club
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more physical personal coaching from the well experienced coaches, motivation to compete with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. A recent survey has
been conducted
which results in,
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
builder incline to
be associated
with renown clubs for their pride.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Body
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will never be able to achieve what weightlifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the decade.

In conclusion
, health club training will
eventually
be outdone by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes
still
prefer to go classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
.
Ultimately
, fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
will remain productive for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
bodybuilders.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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