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Some people say that the most important thing for being rich is people have opportunity for helping other person? Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that the most important thing for being rich is people have opportunity for helping other person? v. 1
Concern regarding helping poor people who are not capable to fulfil their primary needs have been ongoing debate since the globalization. Some people in accord with that rich people have a capacity of supporting others and I am also that individual who thinks that this would be healthy and help worthy step of affluents. This essay would analyse this view and draw a logical conclusion. On a brighter side, there are plethora of reasons why should reach people help underprivileged, firstly, many youngsters wish to have education in their selected field. However, due to insufficient currency they are unable to do a study and unwillingly situations forced them to do labour work. Hence, if wealthy people help children/youngsters to give free education by supporting schools. Addition to this, scholarship is also an option. Not only education, but there are other factors also, in which individual can help who are under the bread line such as completing their primary needs, discounts in hospital services and many more. To go more in depth, rich should donate money like hospitals, primary needs like food, cloth to government as well as institutions. With this amenities people would have happy and healthy life. For example, the celebrity Salman khan owner of being human company, helps underprivileged in many ways like giving them monetary support, free hospital services. To conclude, I believe that affluent have the capability to help others in various ways. Education is the necessity of any human being. Which not only help them study or pursue their career path but also affect the country's economy.
Concern regarding helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not capable to fulfil their primary needs have been ongoing debate since the globalization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in accord with that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a capacity of supporting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
I am
also
that individual who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that this would be healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
worthy step of
Possible spelling mistake found.
affluents
. This essay would
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this view and draw a logical conclusion.

On a brighter side, there are plethora of reasons why should reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
underprivileged,
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters wish to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in their selected field.
However
, due to insufficient currency they are unable to do a study and
unwillingly
situations forced them to do
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
work.
Hence
, if wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children/youngsters to give free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by supporting schools. Addition to this, scholarship is
also
an option.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other factors
also
, in which individual can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
who are under the bread line such as completing their primary needs, discounts in hospital services and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. To go more in depth, rich should donate money like hospitals, primary needs like food, cloth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as institutions. With this amenities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have happy and healthy life.
For example
, the celebrity Salman khan owner of being human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
underprivileged in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways like giving them monetary support, free hospital services.

To conclude
, I believe
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "that affluent has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that affluent have
the capability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others in various ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the necessity of any human being. Which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them study or pursue their career path
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect the country's economy.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the most important thing for being rich is people have opportunity for helping other person? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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