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Some people say that the most important thing for being rich is people have opportunity for helping other person? Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people say that the most important thing for being rich is people have opportunity for helping other person? v. 4
It is indubitable that money is very important for helping others. However, I disagree with the It is indubitable that money is very important for helping others. However, I disagree with the given statement that it is the most essential thing in terms of a chance to help the needy. I believe that there are numerous ways of helping the underprivileged, and monetary aid is certainly not the best forms of aid. My first argument to support my viewpoint is that giving money to the poor would be a very shortsighted approach. It would satiate their needs for some time, but ultimately they have to be made capable of standing on their own. Providing education and job training is better way of helping them. For example, my friend’s mother, teaches children of the slum area every evening. She is herself not very rich, but she is helping in better ways than money can do. Secondly, it is not always the financial help, which is needed by people. A timely helping hand when a person is suffering is better than helping with money. For instance, in natural calamities, such as earthquakes and floods, the immediate need of people is food and medical care. Many college students volunteered to carry food and medicines to the needy, when there was a flood in some areas of Punjab, a few years ago. Fresh medical graduates also went and stayed there and helped people with immediate medical care. In times of crises, such help outstrips any help that money can provide. Opponents would argue that only the rich are in a position to help the poor, as people need money for even the basic necessities of life such as food, clothing and shelter. Even providing education and job training to the destitute, needs money. They have a point, but I still believe that the help in terms of personal effort provided by those who are, themselves, not so affluent is equally good. To sum up, if one is rich, he is in a better situation to help others who need money and all the things which money can provide. However, I reiterate my view by saying that to help others, one need not be rich as help can beprovided in many better ways than with money.
It is indubitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for helping others.
However
, I

disagree with
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "It"?
the It
is indubitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for helping

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
others
.
However
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement that it is the most

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
essential
thing in terms of a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the needy. I believe that there
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of helping the underprivileged, and monetary aid is
certainly


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
not
the best forms of aid.

My
first
argument to support my viewpoint is that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the poor

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
would
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shortsighted approach. It would satiate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
some


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ultimately
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be made
capable of standing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Providing education and job training is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of helping them. For

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
example
, my friend’s mother, teaches children of the slum area every evening.

She is herself not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she is helping in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
do
.

Secondly
, it is not always the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, which
is needed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. A

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
timely
helping hand when a person is suffering is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than helping with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, in natural calamities, such as earthquakes and floods,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is food and medical care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
college
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
students


volunteered to carry food and medicines to the needy, when there was a flood

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of Punjab, a few years ago. Fresh medical graduates
also
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
went


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
stayed there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with immediate medical care. In times
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
crises
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
outstrips any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can provide.

Opponents would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
are in a position to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor, as

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for even the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life such as food, clothing

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
shelter. Even providing education and job training to the destitute,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
needs


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
money
. They have a point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in terms of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
personal


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
effort
provided by those who are, themselves, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
affluent is
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

To sum up, if one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, he is in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
situation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others who need

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
money
and all the things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can provide.
However
, I reiterate my

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
view
by saying that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
beprovided
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
than with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say that the most important thing for being rich is people have opportunity for helping other person? v. 4

Essay
  American English
28 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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