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Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.3

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 3
Rich people are part of our society since the beginning of it. Some individuals believe wealthy persons are happier than the poor ones. This essay explores situations related to happiness and great amounts of money. Additionally, aspects unrelated with social levels that bring joy to peoples' lives are going to be shown. Wealthy people tend to have happier lives because they do not need to worry about money. For instance, rich parents do not need to plan which school they can afford for their children, they can simply choose the best one, despite of the price. Also, travelling is also known as an activity that brings joy to people's lives. The high society can travel to different places, whenever they want, staying at fancy hotels. Following this logic, they tend to be the happiest part of the society. However, there are aspects of life that anyone can buy. Having a respectful romantic relationship can bring joy to the individuals, as well as staying with the family and friends. This is due to the fact that social interactions can make people feel more relaxed, peaceful and, consequently, happy. It does not matter how much money a person have, it is not possible to buy a family, spouse or best friends. Also, having a good job can make people feel useful for the society, bringing joy to their life. In conclusion, being part of the high society can make people happy, based on the fact that wealthy people can afford expensive houses, cars, travelling frequently and also that they do not need to worry about money. On the other side, it is possible to have a happy life independently of the amount of money a person have. Aspects such as family, friends and romantic relationships are responsible for that.
Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
since the beginning of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe wealthy persons are happier than the poor ones. This essay explores situations related to happiness and great amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Additionally
, aspects unrelated with social levels that bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
to peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are going to
be shown
.

Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have happier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need to worry about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, rich parents do not need to plan which school they can afford for their children, they can
simply
choose the best one,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the price.
Also
, travelling is
also
known as an activity that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places, whenever they want, staying at fancy hotels. Following this logic, they tend to be the happiest part of the society.

However
, there are aspects of life that anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. Having a respectful romantic relationship can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
to the individuals,
as well
as staying with the family and friends.
This is due to the fact that
social interactions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more relaxed, peaceful and,
consequently
, happy. It does not matter how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a person have, it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a family, spouse or best friends.
Also
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
to their life.

In conclusion
, being part of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy, based on the fact that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, cars, travelling
frequently
and
also
that they do not need to worry about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. On the other side, it is possible to have a happy life
independently
of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a person have. Aspects such as family, friends and romantic relationships are responsible for that.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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