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Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.2

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 2
In the recent times, people are running to earn more wealth. As this will be consider as a crucial parameter to live life. However, some people opine that to get the happiness people must have lots of funds. The essay will discuss how people live happy life with lot of money and other parameters which helps person to feel elated. To begin with, there are certain parameter are there which supports the happiness needs a lot of money. The predominant reason is that money is needed in every step of life. This would be considered as important due to its use, to buy a single thing. Moreover, having availability of funds helps an individual to improvise their life. This will deliver them more happiness. Although, this would help to improvise health and education, resulted impressive standard of living. For example, research conducted shows that with availability of money more people are educated compare to the past. On the other hand, there are few factors which also plays a vital role in the elated life of an individual. The first aspect is that family support. As they will give them a moral support and guidance. Due to their support they can deal with any type of situation. Furthermore, another aspect is that having a good fitness. This would be considered as a key parameter for one’s to enjoy their life. For instance, people can earn money with the support of their friends and family, having all this live their life happily. In conclusion, having a lot of funds one can improvise their life and buy the products which provides them happiness. There are few parameters would also need which delate mood such as family support and health.
In the recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are running to earn more wealth. As this will be
Consider using the past participle "considered"?
consider
as a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parameter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of funds. The essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parameters
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
person to feel elated.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are certain
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "parameters"?
parameter
are there which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
needs a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The predominant reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is needed
in every step of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This would
be considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a single thing.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
availability of funds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to improvise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This will deliver them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Although, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to improvise health and education, resulted impressive standard of living.
For example
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that with availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are educated
compare to the past.

On the other hand
, there are few factors which
also
plays a vital role in the elated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of an individual. The
first
aspect is that family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. As they will give them a moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and guidance. Due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
they can deal with any type of situation.
Furthermore
, another aspect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fitness. This would
be considered
as a key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parameter
for one’s to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of their friends and family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
all this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happily
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of funds one can improvise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products which provides them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parameters
would
also
need which
Possible spelling mistake found.
delate
mood such as family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and health.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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