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It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages. v.4

There is a rise number of student taking a gap year between graduating in high school and beginning the post-secondary education. While this offers a few advantages, there are also some disadvantages which are worth considering. There are two main benefits to student of having a year off before continuing their university education. Firstly, they can spend their time by travelling and expand their horizons. When student go overseas, they will be learn about different culture and customs. As a result, they will gain a deeper understanding of the world. Moreover, they also fulfill their time by working and obtain amount of money, student who work will learn to appreciate the value of money. This is because they will realize the hard work involved in earning money. Therefore, they would think twice before purchasing anything they want and may become less impulsive in their spending. On the other hand, various drawback may be noted. In the first place, student who do not know what will they do in a year off will feel depressed due to the fact that they will compared their self to their friends who are starting the tertiary education. In addition, student who is travelling in another state or place will feel less suitable with the lifestyle and becoming homesick. This may make them regret to not being in university. Furthermore, student who work may not want to return their studies. The reason for this is that they may enjoy earning money and becoming financially independent. Hence, it is very important for everyone to graduate with a degree in order to be competitive in the job market. In conclusion, taking a gap year may provide some positive impact like gain some new experience and become independent in relation to money. However, they may also become depressed and not continuing their studies. Therefore, it is necessary to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages carefully before taking a big step.
There is a rise number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
between
The verb ‘to graduate’ requires the preposition ‘from’: “graduating from”.
graduating
in high school and beginning the post-secondary education. While this offers a few advantages, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which are worth considering.

There are two main benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
continuing their university education.
Firstly
, they can spend their time by travelling and expand their horizons. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
go overseas, they will be
Consider using the past participle “learned”, “learnt”.
learn
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and customs.
As a result
, they will gain a deeper understanding of the world.
Moreover
, they
also
fulfill their time by working and obtain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work will learn to appreciate the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will realize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work involved in earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing anything they want and may become less impulsive in their spending.

On the other hand
, various drawback may
be noted
. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not know what will they do in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off will feel depressed due to the fact that they will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
compared
their self to their friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are starting the tertiary education.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is travelling in another state or place will feel less suitable with the lifestyle and becoming homesick. This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them regret to not being in university.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work may not want to return their studies.
The reason for this is
that they may enjoy earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and becoming
financially
independent.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone to graduate with a degree in order to be competitive in the job market.

In conclusion
, taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact like gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new experience and become independent in relation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, they may
also
become depressed and not continuing their studies.
Therefore
, it is necessary to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
step.
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A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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