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Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Other think access to so much information creates problems. Which do you agree with? v.4

Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Other think access to so much information creates problems. Which do you agree with? v. 4
It is certainly true that the food industry has changed the eating and cooking habits of people. Owing to this, many people prefer to eat canned food rather than cooking in their kitchen using fresh vegetables. In my opinion, this trend has only a few advantages, but on the greater side, people are compromising with their health and taste for the little comfort. One obvious advantage of packaged food is that it has saved time of people that was initially spent in the kitchen for preparing food. In Asian countries, specifically ladies have to prepare food for the whole family and she has to spend more of his day in preparing three times of meal and left with less or no time for other activities of their interest and after sometimes, due to this monotonous life, they start feeling mundane. Therefore, ready-made food has made their life relaxed and more comfortable. However, ready-made packaged food is unhealthy for people if consumed regularly because chemicals and preservatives are added in it to make it consumable for a long time, which ultimately have detrimental effects on the health of individuals. Hence, this is the major reason for today's lifestyle diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, obesity, cancer and any more. Moreover, packaged food is less tasty than freshly prepared food, because it loses the natural aroma of ingredients and spices that were used to prepare food. To conclude, canned food has provided ease and convenience for busy people, but it has also brought many health issues on the health of the general public. So in my opinion, this trend has more disadvantages than advantages
It is
certainly
true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the eating and cooking habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Owing to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to eat canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than cooking in their kitchen using fresh vegetables. In my opinion, this trend has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the greater side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are compromising with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and taste for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
comfort.

One obvious advantage of packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is that it has saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that was
initially
spent in the kitchen for preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In Asian countries,
specifically
ladies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the whole
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend more of his day in preparing three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of meal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with less or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other activities of their interest and after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, due to this monotonous life, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling mundane.
Therefore
, ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has made their life relaxed and more comfortable.

However
, ready-made packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is unhealthy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if consumed
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
chemicals and preservatives are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it consumable for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which
ultimately
have detrimental effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of individuals.
Hence
, this is the major reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's lifestyle diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, obesity, cancer and
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
Moreover
, packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is less tasty than
freshly
prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it loses the natural aroma of ingredients and spices that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prepare food.

To conclude
, canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and convenience for busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, this trend has more disadvantages than
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
advantages
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Other think access to so much information creates problems. Which do you agree with? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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