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Some people believe that government should increase the number of sports facilities to improve public health, while other believe this has little effect and we need other measures to improve it. Discuss and give your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that government should increase the number of sports facilities to improve public health, while other believe this has little effect and we need other measures to improve it. Discuss and give your opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, environmental protection has become one of the most important issues people are concerned about. While some people say that it is the responsibility of the government and big companies to protect the environment because they hold the power and pool the resources necessary while individuals are too feeble to make much effort, I think that every individual can make a difference. There is an old saying goes as: Constant efforts bring success. This means that individuals did have the capacity to save our motherland if they band together and move towards the same direction. For example, if everyone in China saves one piece of paper every day, nearly a million trees can be saved in one day. Therefore, we must realize the power of each person and shoulder our own responsibility. Moreover, the most important thing must be the effect on big companies and factories caused by public awareness and habits. Specifically, environment-friendly behaviours of the public can largely influence the business strategies of big companies. For example, when disposable plastic bags are not popular anymore in the market, the manufacturers will stop their production and find eco-friendly replacements such as fabric bags. Thus, the power of individuals is maximized and makes a big difference. However, that is not to say we should ignore the responsibility of the government and big companies. Admittedly, in solving some large-scale problems like deforestation and greenhouse effect, the government and big companies should fully harness their technology and power to come up with strategic plans. In summary, everyone is responsible in protecting our planet. Meanwhile, the government and big companies should shoulder their responsibilities and make full use of their power and resources. Only in this way can we assure that we can hand over the planet to our next generation.
Nowadays, environmental protection has become one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to protect the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
and pool the resources necessary while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are too feeble to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
much effort, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference.

There is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying goes as: Constant efforts bring success. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
did have the capacity to save our motherland if they band together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards the same direction.
For example
, if everyone in China saves one piece of paper every day,
nearly
a million trees can
be saved
in one day.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
of each person and shoulder our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility.

Moreover
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and factories caused by public awareness and habits.
Specifically
, environment-friendly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of the public can
largely
influence the business strategies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For example
, when disposable plastic bags are not popular
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
in the market, the manufacturers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their production and find eco-friendly replacements such as fabric bags.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
is maximized
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
difference.

However
,
that is
not to say we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Admittedly
, in solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
large-scale problems like deforestation and greenhouse effect, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
fully
harness their technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with strategic plans.

In summary, everyone is responsible in protecting our planet. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should shoulder their responsibilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
and resources.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in this way can we assure that we can hand over the planet to our
next
generation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that government should increase the number of sports facilities to improve public health, while other believe this has little effect and we need other measures to improve it. Discuss and give your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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