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(08/11/2014) Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

(08/11/2014) Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person’s nature. v. 1
There is a growing population of people who are migrating to the cities and towns from countryside leaving the elderly people. This is causing lots of problems for both the elderly and the people who leave them. Firstly, Migration of young adults in the cities causes uneven population distribution where young adults are increasing getting concentrated in the cities and the elderly people in the countryside. Since there will be fewer people in the countryside critical facilities such as medical services, hospitals and emergency services will be scarce in the countryside. As a result, there will be inadequate care for the elderly people. Secondly, due to loneliness of elderly people left behind, this causes psychological problems and depression. Which would increase the need for care and complication in the health of the elderly. Lastly, this would lead to a disparity in the development like infrastructure, Medical services and education. The government should distribute the growth of the industry in the countryside by encouraging the industries and organization to start new operations in the countryside. This could be done by means of providing incentives like free land, tax benefits and other services that make it attractive for the companies to start new offices and operations in the countryside. Industries also could provide options for employees to work remotely from countryside so they could stay with the elderly. The government could also develop faster transport system between the countryside and the cities like high speed trains so people could live in the countryside and commute to the cities for work. In conclusion, The government should provide incentives to companies and develop faster transport system between countryside and cities so people could stay in the countryside with the elderly. With such strategies the elderly people will not be left behind and the problems will be averted.
There is a growing population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are migrating to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and towns from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is causing lots of problems for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them.

Firstly
, Migration of young adults in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
causes uneven population distribution where young adults are increasing getting concentrated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. Since there will be fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
critical facilities such as medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, hospitals and emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will be scarce in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
As a result
, there will be inadequate care for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, due to loneliness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind, this causes psychological problems and depression. Which would increase the need for care and complication in the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
Lastly
, this would lead to a disparity in the development like infrastructure, Medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and education.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should distribute the growth of the industry in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
by encouraging the industries and organization to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
new operations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. This could
be done
by means of providing incentives like free land, tax benefits and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it attractive for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
new offices and operations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. Industries
also
could provide options for employees to work
remotely
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
also
develop faster transport system between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
like high speed trains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
and commute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for work.

In conclusion
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide incentives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and develop faster transport system between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. With such strategies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind and the problems will
be averted
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay (08/11/2014) Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person’s nature. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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