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Some people say that the Internet is responsible for destroying the social skills of teenagers and young adults. Why do you think the Internet is dangerous in this way and what can we do to ensure that it does not harm the social development of teenagers a v.1

Some people say that the Internet is responsible for destroying the social skills of teenagers and young adults. Why do you think the Internet is dangerous in this way and what can we do to ensure that it does not harm the social development of teenagers a v. 1
A recent survey has shown that maximum usage of the internet is by the younger generation. It offers many benefits in terms of providing information and enhancing communication. Undoubtedly, the web is a proud technology for the modern world, but few people argue that it is harming the social skills of the youngsters. This essay will outline the side effects of the internet and the solutions to deal with it. Exposure to the internet is affecting the social development of teenagers. Most of them are having access to the computer and mobile phones to use the internet. It is in isolation, which leaves less time for interaction with the family or friends. The personal interactions are done digitally rather than face to face. It has adversely affected the social and emotional bonding between the family members. Parents should pay more attention to get access to to the internet and restricted hours should be practice at home. It will help in allocating dedicated time for family members to interact with each other, keeping away their digital devices. The Internet provides access to harmful online material which is not suitable for the younger age. For example, the Internet is full of pornographic websites which are not controlled and impact the psychological development of the youth. The parental control should be placed on electronic devices to insure kids does not get exposed to harmful material. The advancement of internet technology has changed the meaning of competition for youngsters. Their world consists of online gaming portals, which means no public speaking and outdoor activities. They feel more comfortable to take part in online games under an anonymous id instead of attending a public debate. This behaviour affects the overall personality development. To eradicate this behaviour, school and parents should engage youngsters in outdoor activities and public speaking forums. The outdoor activities will also lead the young generations towards a healthy lifestyle. To conclude, the Internet is an essential resource, but we cannot ignore the side effects of technology. Parents and school should put an appropriate measure to ensure the development of the young generation is not affected.
A recent survey has shown that maximum usage of the internet is by the younger generation. It offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits in terms of providing information and enhancing communication.
Undoubtedly
, the web is a proud technology for the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is harming the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the youngsters. This essay will outline the side effects of the internet and the solutions to deal with it.

Exposure to the internet is affecting the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Most of them are having access to the computer and mobile phones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet. It is in isolation, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
less time for interaction with the family or friends. The personal interactions
are done
digitally
rather
than face to face. It has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the social and emotional bonding between the family members. Parents should pay more attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
the internet and restricted hours should be practice at home. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in allocating dedicated time for family members to interact with each other, keeping away their digital devices.

The Internet provides access to harmful online material which is not suitable for the younger age.
For example
, the Internet is full of pornographic websites which are not controlled and impact the psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the youth. The parental control should
be placed
on electronic devices to insure kids does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to harmful material.

The advancement of internet technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the meaning of competition for youngsters. Their world consists of online gaming portals, which means no public speaking and outdoor activities. They feel more comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in online games under an anonymous id
instead
of attending a public debate. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
affects the
overall
personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. To eradicate this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, school and parents should engage youngsters in outdoor activities and public speaking forums. The outdoor activities will
also
lead the young generations towards a healthy lifestyle.

To conclude
, the Internet is an essential resource,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the side effects of technology. Parents and school should put an appropriate measure to ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the young generation is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that the Internet is responsible for destroying the social skills of teenagers and young adults. Why do you think the Internet is dangerous in this way and what can we do to ensure that it does not harm the social development of teenagers a v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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