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As technological innovation brings about rapid changes, retraining becomes a lifelong necessity therefore, industry should take responsibility for education training and retraining of their workers. To what extent do you agree to this idea v.2

As technological innovation brings about rapid changes, retraining becomes a lifelong necessity therefore, industry should take responsibility for education training and retraining of their workers. 2
The 21st century is an era of technology innovations likewise, the life of an individual is having a continuous momentum and change. In order to combat such social challenges, the education system needs to be optimized. It is a hypothesis that the organization should take over the system of education in order to face the challenges of the new modern world. As far as my opinion is concerned, I confidently agree with this statement and explaining the reasons for my agreement in the paragraph below. Unquestionably, studies with practical skills will be an ultimate impact of industrial based learning. As a matter of fact, the curriculum made by big organizations will make the learners more capable of doing their jobs with unmatchable competency then what a student do by just reading a book. For instance, China is renowned for its eye-catching development and underlying reasons of success is their technically oriented certification courses which they have refined according to their jobs and job description. In other words, the education system with more industrial skills brings a new generation with distinguished success. Secondly, unemployment is the major issue of today’s world and this monster can be manageable by motivating youngster towards these courses which are designed by professionals who are actually well known for today’ needs. Besides that, many institutions are conducting special education curriculums with the pre-course job commitment. In this regards, I would like to put down an example of Canadian medical agency, they are offering certain courses with Echocardiography and research with before education commitment of employment. As they know that people are in deadly need in these fields so they are designing such courses and motivating youth with the glamour of employment. One can say, that if curriculums of young’s education are practical hands than unemployment can vanish from society. To conclude, I per down by writing that education system should be encouraged to hand over to the practical hands of the modern world for ultimate growth of society.
The 21st century is an era of technology innovations
likewise
, the life of an individual is having a continuous momentum and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In order to combat such social challenges, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
needs to
be optimized
. It is a hypothesis that the organization should take over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in order to face the challenges of the new modern world. As far as my opinion
is concerned
, I
confidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and explaining the reasons for my agreement in the paragraph below.

Unquestionably
, studies with practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will be an ultimate impact of industrial based learning. As a matter of fact, the curriculum made by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
organizations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the learners more capable of doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with unmatchable competency
Did you mean "than"?
then
what a student
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "does".
do
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading a book.
For instance
, China
is renowned
for its eye-catching development and underlying reasons of success is their
technically
oriented certification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which they have refined according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
description.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
with more industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
brings a new generation with distinguished success.

Secondly
, unemployment is the major issue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world and this monster can be manageable by motivating youngster towards these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which
are designed
by professionals who are actually well known for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’ needs.
Besides
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
institutions are conducting special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
curriculums with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
commitment. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, I would like to put down an example of Canadian medical agency, they are offering certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
with Echocardiography and research with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
commitment of employment. As they know that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in deadly need in these fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are designing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and motivating youth with the glamour of employment. One can say, that if curriculums of young’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are practical hands than unemployment can vanish from society.

To conclude
, I per down by writing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
should
be encouraged
to hand over to the practical hands of the modern world for ultimate growth of society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay As technological innovation brings about rapid changes, retraining becomes a lifelong necessity therefore, industry should take responsibility for education training and retraining of their workers. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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