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Tourism is an excellent way to develop a country, but it can also cause harm. How can countries ensure that tourism benefits the development? v.3

Tourism is an excellent way to develop a country, but it can also cause harm. How can countries ensure that tourism benefits the development? v. 3
In general, it is a ubiquitous notion that almost the entire world’s poor live in countries where tourism is a growing industry. Despite this factor, tourism does not benefit the poorest. There are some beneficial ways that aid to generate the income by tourism in order to ameliorate the people’s lifestyle without annihilating traditional cultures. In this essay, I will cite several points as the reasons of this issue and will pursue to give some fitting solutions. One of the basic causes of this problem is that the tourism economics is not being developed in a right way. The certain organisations get lofty money from tourism and invest the gained money to this business activity again. Subsequently, the available process persists protractedly. Hence, the poor cannot take advantage of it and their difficult life condition stays at its level. As the impeccable solution to this problem is that the government should impose the rule about creating the supplementary stock for poor people. Another reason is forming from the low prices. Many tourists tend to come to the countries where the costs are cheaper. As an implication, the government cannot obtain the desirable amount of money and is obliged to soar the taxes. In this circumstance, poor people’s dwelling deteriorates gradually. In addition, the numerous of tourist can contribute to altering persons’ cultures and it can be a much bigger inevitable problem. As a solution for these issues is that the government must increase the costs in terms of tourism economics and decline the local people’s taxes. This remedy can balance both the harm and income of State easily. Taking all things into account, there are manifold reasons for this problem. However, for every hard issue, there is one solution at least.
In general
, it is a ubiquitous notion that almost the entire world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is a growing industry. Despite this factor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
does not benefit the poorest. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial ways that aid to generate the income by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in order to ameliorate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s lifestyle without annihilating traditional cultures. In this essay, I will cite several points as the reasons of this issue and will pursue to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fitting solutions.

One of the basic causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
economics is not
being developed
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
. The certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lofty money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and invest the gained money to this business activity again.
Subsequently
, the available process persists
Possible spelling mistake found.
protractedly
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
cannot take advantage of it and their difficult life condition stays at its level. As the impeccable solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
about creating the supplementary stock for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another reason is forming from the low prices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
tourists tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the countries where the costs are cheaper. As an implication, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot obtain the desirable amount of money and
is obliged
to soar the taxes. In this circumstance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s dwelling deteriorates
gradually
.
In addition
,
The phrase 'the numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the numerous of
tourist can contribute to altering persons’ cultures and it can be a much bigger inevitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. As a solution for these issues is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
increase the costs in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
economics and decline the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s taxes. This remedy can balance both the harm and income of State
easily
.

Taking all things into account, there are manifold reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
However
, for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
issue, there is one solution at least.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Tourism is an excellent way to develop a country, but it can also cause harm. How can countries ensure that tourism benefits the development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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