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Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another? v.5

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 5
In today’s world due to the advancement of technology new inventions are coming into existence. It is true that 'Necessity is a mother of invention'. The internet is just like a wonder box, which contains every type of information. Besides, it has also proved as a very important tool to connect people with one another. In today’s modernized era, nobody has sufficient time to write letters to their loved ones. Moreover, it also takes longer to send or receive any information. But the Web is the easiest way to send messages to our loved ones. Communication can be either in the form of e-mail or through text messages sent via internet to mobile phones. We can send and receive messages straight way. In other hand, today’s young generation will mostly prefer to do chatting through the net. During such chatting, we can write messages and get replies straight away. Moreover, voice chatting is going to be a very popular day-by-day. As it is a reality the advantages and disadvantages resemble two sides of one coin, which usually runs parallel. So like other things, net also have some downsides, like causing people health problems, for example, poor eyesight, back ache or migraines. Today’s teenagers usually prefer to spend their time on the web rather than to participating in other physical activities, which causing them to have a weaker physical health. To conclude, I would like to say that the online-web is one of the most modernized and most successful tools, not only for communication, even to get more relevant information regarding every field in a very short period of time.
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
world due to the advancement of technology new inventions are coming into existence. It is true that 'Necessity is a mother of invention'. The internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a wonder box, which contains every type of information.
Besides
, it has
also
proved as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool to connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with one another.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
modernized era, nobody has sufficient time to write letters to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Moreover
, it
also
takes longer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
or receive any information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the Web is the easiest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Communication can be either in the form of e-mail or through text
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
via internet to mobile phones. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
straight way.

In other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
young generation will
mostly
prefer to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go chatting".
do chatting
through the net. During such chatting, we can write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
replies straight away.
Moreover
, voice chatting is going to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular day-by-day.

As it is a reality the advantages and disadvantages resemble two sides of one coin, which
usually
runs parallel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
like other things, net
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides, like causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
health problems,
for example
, poor eyesight, back ache or migraines.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
usually
prefer to spend their time on the web
rather
than to participating in other physical activities, which causing them to have a weaker physical health.

To conclude
, I would like to say that the online-web is one of the most modernized and most successful tools, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for communication, even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more relevant information regarding every field in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of time.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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