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Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. with this statement? v. 1
Education plays the vital role in the development of every country. Therefore It is commonly believed that education system is the only key factor of the country's advancement while others think that not only education, but industries are equally required to step ahead for any country. Firstly, It is very true that education is one of the chief reasons for the development of the country in each and every field. Giving training to people makes them know what is happening in the country and out of the country. With the help of teaching they come to know about each and every situation like corruption, demerit, and other bad factors running in the nation. For example, in Pakistan people are less educated and they do not know even about the big corruption and their own rights. Hence it is clearly found that those who don't have access to education are blind, which prevents any country becoming developed one. Secondly, not only education, but industries also has an equal part in any country's development. Industries play key role in the development of any country because having them create lots of jobs in all categories. For example, Bangladesh who has been developing its new industries on rapid rate has a leading economic growth rate in Asia continent. Hence it is proved that along with education, industries in country also help a nation to be in the list of a developed nation. In conclusion, it would be remarkable to say that education and industries are one of the major key factors of development. Having only education is not necessary, but having equipment to implement that learnt knowledge is important for country's advancement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays the vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
key factor of the country's advancement while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are
equally
required to step ahead for any country.

Firstly
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the chief reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in each and every field. Giving training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
makes
them know what is happening in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of teaching they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about each and every situation like corruption, demerit, and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
factors running in the nation.
For example
, in Pakistan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are less
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
educated and
they do not know even about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corruption and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rights.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
clearly
found that those who don't have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are blind, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
becoming developed one.

Secondly
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
also
has an equal part in any country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Industries
play key role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having them create lots of jobs in all categories.
For example
, Bangladesh who has been developing its new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
on rapid rate has a leading economic growth rate in Asia continent.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it
is proved
that along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a nation to be in the list of a developed nation.

In conclusion
, it would be remarkable to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are one of the major key factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having equipment to implement that
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
knowledge is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for country's advancement.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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