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Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country with this statement v. 1
Many cities across the globe are witnessing a decline in the quality of life. This essay will look at the reasons behind this and give some possible measures to overcome the problems of city dwellers. Firstly, an ever increasing population and migration of people from rural to urban areas have caused congestion. This has led to growth in the numbers of slums in some areas. Slums as we know do not have any basic facilities like hospitals, sanitation, clean drinking water and are a hotbed of diseases. As a result of living in unhygienic conditions, not only people in slums suffer from serious health problems, but also aid the cause of spreading flu and other viruses. Secondly, hectic schedule and excessive workload also hamper the quality of life. To explain it further, extended working hours, long commuting time leave urban with hardly ever time to involve in recreational activities, which are indispensable to ensure the well being of human beings. As a consequence, there has been a sharp rise in the prevalence of psychiatric problems among people in large cities. To look at the possible measures, the government should develop affordable accommodation facilities to accommodate an ever-growing number of city dwellers. There should be strict restrictions on building of slums and a stern action need to take against offenders. In order to control the influx of rural migrants, the government should focus on the development of the countryside. Gyms and recreational facilities like parks, gardens and yoga centres, etc should also be constructed by the government and there should be no charge to use them. Moreover, positives of good health should be highlighted, asking people to follow a balanced life. To conclude, unfettered growth of population, stressful lifestyle and lack of basic facilities in certain areas have made the life worse in cities. Undoubtedly, if this situation is to be improved, effective measures have to be taken.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
across the globe are witnessing a decline in the quality of life. This essay will look at the reasons behind this and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible measures to overcome the problems of city dwellers.

Firstly
, an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
population and migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from rural to urban areas have caused congestion. This has led to growth in the numbers of slums in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas. Slums as we know do not have any basic facilities like hospitals, sanitation, clean drinking water and are a hotbed of diseases.
As a result
of living in unhygienic conditions, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in slums suffer from serious health problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
aid the cause of spreading flu and other viruses.
Secondly
, hectic schedule and excessive workload
also
hamper the quality of life. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, extended working hours, long commuting time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
urban with hardly ever time to involve in recreational activities, which are indispensable to ensure the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of human beings. As a consequence, there has been a sharp rise in the prevalence of psychiatric problems among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in large cities.

To look at the possible measures, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop affordable accommodation facilities to accommodate an ever-growing number of city dwellers. There should be strict restrictions on building of slums and a stern action need to take against offenders. In order to control the influx of rural migrants, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on the development of the countryside. Gyms and recreational facilities like parks, gardens and yoga
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, etc should
also
be constructed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and there should be no charge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
Moreover
, positives of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health should
be highlighted
, asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow a balanced life.

To conclude
, unfettered growth of population, stressful lifestyle and lack of basic facilities in certain areas have made the life worse in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Undoubtedly
, if this situation is to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, effective measures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taken
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country with this statement v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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